A closer look

Merry Christmas Mr. Nate!

Nate with some of his booty from under the tree. He is still a little snotty from his cold. These fabulous little bath toys are courtesy of his aunt Heather, Uncle Juan and Cousin Erica. They have to be the cutest toys I've seen in a long time and Nate adores them (so doews Snoopy, he keeps snapping them up and trying to run away).

A day for boxing?

Boxing up the gifts? Boxing up the tree? Forget it--I'm keeping the damn tree for as long as it looks good (and it still does). I'm against boxing stuff, and really just boxing in general (so there!). We had a lovely day yesterday. It was purty mellow and all. Nate has a nasty cold that made him a little crankster sometimes, but mostly he was a dimmer version of his normally happy self. He really liked opening his first gift, but was kind of done after that. We unwrapped the gifts for him and he played with them the rest of the day. Our phone was doing really really wonky things yesterday for more than half the day, so if you tried to get in touch with us or were waiting for us to get in touch with you, we apologise (you can say you tried even if you didn't- one of those make Tirade feel good lies). I was thinking I'd try to go shopping today but I think I'll stay home, it just seems too stressful. Also making of the traditional post Christmas turkey soup, turkey pot pies etc will commence. And I feel like I haven't made nearly enough cookies yet. Justin got me a little book with 40 cookie recipes for my stocking and there are some very yummy looking prospects.

Cheer!

Lo y'all.

This seldom posting thing is a bit hard to get used to, and then when I have the time to blog I'm too tired to be my normal witty and chatty (well, chatty at least) self. I have five days off in a row folks, and that is music to my ears. Not that I had a really long week. I had a Christmas lunch, a kids party, and a lot of chatty catching up stuff this past week. Not to mention a cubicle to stuff full of useless bits of my life, a computer to break in, and a desk chair to re-adjust for my butt. Justin brought Nate for the kids party and we had a great time. Nate got to hang with Santa again and crawl around on the boardroom floor and watch his momma decorate a gingerbread house. Hopefully there will be pictures soon.

I'm really liking being back to work and it seems like Justin and Nate and Snoopy are having a blast without me (I'm just a teeny bit jealous, but seeing them together make my little heart go pitty-pat). Justin is working today and I've had a full dose of Natty-all-to-myself medicine (it is good for what ails me). I made Nate his own Christmas stocking today to join all of ours on the mantle, and tonight I sang him carols until he went to sleep (and almost cried). This being a mom thing is sometimes way cooler than I ever thought it could be.

'nuff said

Grrrrr

I was almost finished a lengthy post on my first day of work and then POOF, it disappeared into thin air (goddamn your eyes blogger). I am so not posting it again cause, y'all I'm tired. So in a nutshell:

I returned to work on Monday, not Friday.

Friday bad for some unknown reason (seriously they told me to come on Monday instead).

Work is pretty fun with some very nice people telling me that they are happy to see me and saying very nice things.

First day I missed Nate but not too much.

Second day (today) I was very very conflicted between liking my job and staring at pictures of my child feeling like I needed to run home and hug him immediately.

I like work though, and it's nice to be back.

Taa Daa!

Must lie down now.

Santa

A will of steel

So Nateski has some serious attitude. I mean I kind of expected it, but not for a little while longer. He has decided that no food will pass his lips that has not been stuffed in his mouth with his own little hands. This leaves me scurrying to find things he can eat (he has rejected diced carrots and squash so far). Today he ate little bits of broccoli for lunch with his mac and cheese and then later tonight managed some diced yams. If you try to feed him he goes from cheerful little dude to pisssy little so-and-so before you can but blink your pretty eyes. For pureed fruit he will sometimes make concessions. I am starting to realise that there may be some all out freaky battles in our house in the years to come. Today I found out that he like pizza crust a lot and that he is capable of spitting out pureed food quite some distance.

Tomorrow we are taking him to see Santa at the local mall. I'm kind of curious to see how he takes it. Did that just sound like some kind of social experiment? My little brother was terrified of Santa from the get go and never, NEVER liked him. Ever. All the pictures we have show me grinning my ass off while my brother, well, not so smiley. Anyhow, Nate is pretty laid back and I think he's gonna like Santa.

We shall see.

Only two days left

I'm returning to work on Friday. It's kind of a weird day to return to work, but I just picked the 15th at random and it turned out to be a Friday. As it happens, I was kind of smart to do it this way. I'll have a day to get oriented, the weekend off, then a week to work, then the Xmas break, (where I'll be off for some days), then a couple of days back and then new year. So it is kind of a graduated return to work. I was all smart without knowing it. It also gives Nate time to adjust a bit more to not having two parents home most of the time to do his bidding.

I have this huge list of stuff still, and am beginning to face the fact that I'll always have a huge list. There are a few more important things that must get done, but overall I think we are ready logistically (if not emotionally). My favorite thing off the list yesterday: baking. I made biscotti (my favorite and time consuming baking yummy). I'm gonna post some pics cause they turned out pretty well. I made candied ginger/dark chocolate, cranberry/white chocolate, and cranberry/almond/white chocolate. I'm hoping to get a bundt cake and a bunch of cookies done in the next couple of days, we shall see.

In the meantime I think I deserve a coffee, and some biscotti.

Anyone remember this girl?

One of the few pictures I have of myself from my teen years (I got it off of the halifax locals page, someone else posted it). I must have been about 16 or 17 then. Y'all, I'm old.

Reno joy addendum.

Isn't it lovely? Ok, maybe it's only me.

Reno joy!

Yesterday Justin and Paul planned, gathered, and installed shelving in our pantry (formerly a mush mash of scattered shelves baskets and bags) and in the living room. I am close to ecstasy, y'all. I know I've become all boring in recent years and this pretty much confirms it. I can't help it, I'm in the throws of a perpetual organisational orgasm (just in time for the holidays). I will post pictures, really I will. I'm that excited.

For all you u-tubers out there, check out this video posting by a friend of mine from waaay back (howdy Neb!). Good thing I wasn't consuming liquid at the time of viewing.

If you are fond of coffee (as you know we are), organic and fair trade practices, and want to support women owned and run collectives check out the Cafe Femenino Foundation and encourage your local independent coffee shop to check it out!

Students were giving out free hugs in downtown Vancouver yesterday, how cool is that?

A little weird, but cool.

Oh Xmas tree, oh Xmas tree

Or something thereabouts. We had tonnes of fun tonight decorating the tree with our friends Paul and Lori and Sosi! Nate didn't seem to care too much about the tree, but loved trying to eat the boxes that the ornaments came in. Sosi was completely adorable, hanging things on the tree and handing us, very carefully, the glass bulbs. We listened to lots of Christmas music and I tied a very un-manly-like bow around Snoopy's collar that Justin insisted had to be removed before he took Snoop for his walk this evening.

We had a really lovely day.

See, for the last few days I've been every once in a while saying to myself "I have to remember to talk about that in my blog." I do this often, and then I promptly forget whatever it was I was going to mention. it's been like that today. Crap. Oh well.

Mr. Nate is very well and fine. He's totally into mac and cheese now cause he can feed it to himself. The problem with this being that he can't eat mac and cheese every day and he gets mortally offended if I try to feed him non finger food from a spoon. Snoopy is loving this. He stations himself under and to one side of the high chair and waits for stuff to fly. Last night Nate managed a few bits of apple as well.

I feel like very soon he's going to ask me for a cheeseburger.

17 years ago

A horrifying thing happened. Y'all know what it was. It wasn't on the front page of any paper this year, nor was it the lead story on the local news. On this day every year I try to stop and remember the women who died in Montreal 17 years ago, as well as all women who have been or are beaten and killed for no other reason than that they are women. I am both incredibly pissed off and profoundly sad that women are still being stabbed, raped, shot, degraded, blamed, and mutilated (all while holding the world's economy on their shoulders). Having worked in the anti-violence movement for some time I have seen a bunch of changes, some good, and some not so good. What I haven't seen is renewed and significant funding in this country to ensure the safety of women fleeing violence and support for women facing violence, nor the condemnation of violence against women in the legal system. What I haven't seen is absolute zero tolerance for violence against women in all areas of life. This sickens me. Today in Vancouver jury selection for the Robert Picton trial begins.

So today, or whatever day you read this, hug your mom or sister or daughter or neighbour and value the women in your life. Thank the powers-that-be for the non-violent men in your life, raise your sons to abhor violence. Remember the women who have died.

The countdown begins!

Only 15 days until I must return to work, and 24 days until happy present day! Talk about sneaking up on ya! As usual I feel unprepared for everything, but I have a strategy for getting semi sorta maybe on top of things. I have clean bathrooms, which is a great way to start December (I'm being serious, clean bathrooms make me very happy). I have this great new mom's calendar what makes me feel like I am getting organized. I have a lovely husband that installed baby gates and curtain rods in my house (in addition to making me latte every morning).

Nate is having a bit of a crap time at the moment. He is teething again (the teeth on either side of his two front teeth) and they must hut like the dickens. Under his gum on one side is a huge blue/purple spot where he is bleeding under the gum. Poor little boober. He is standing up on his own now for at least a few seconds at a time. He does this mostly without knowing it, and when he notices he immediately falls down.

Snoopy has pretty much recovered from his tooth being pulled. Last week Justin noticed that his tooth was cracked and it turned out that he had split it in two. Six hundred bucks later our little Snoop is minus a tooth but in very good spirits.

Justin and I are currently in negotiations about how soon we can get the tree. I'd get it today if he let me.

I love Christmas.

Let it snow, let is snow, let it snow!

Its a freakin' winter wonderland out there today. Justin is inordinately pleased, Snoopy is chilly and the rest of Vancouver is a tad flummoxed. As it happens every year, the city is freaked out by snow (even though we live in Canada and it do snow here in Vancouver at least a few times per year). I am a snow bystander, so it really doesn't bother me all that much. I shall just bide my time and wait for the nuttiness to end.

Nate graduated to toast fingers yesterday with pear puree on top. He seemed to like the squishiness of them and mauled them more than ate them. He did manage one in total. He is not happening with vegetables as finger foods (spits them out with the most disdainful look). I think we shall stick with toast, cheerios, and baby mum-mums for now. He even will eat a bit of grated cheese every now and again.

Today I am wrapping Christmas presents (they are Christmas presents, not holiday presents, even though I am not invested in any kind of religiosity) to send back to the East coast for ma famille. I must must must clean my house. I've been dragging my lazy butt about this it seems like forever and today I am going to try to get a few rooms done.

But first I must watch Jon Stewart.

Priorities.

Go nucks go!

Things happen when I'm left alone in the house with just a computer. Weird things. Shopping things. Tonight I was checking out my email and got some crap junk mail from eBay. What did I do? You know, dontcha?

You do.

I went a browsing. I went a buying. As a result Justin and I are going to see the Nucks vs. Oilers at good old GM place! I was going to keep it a secret, but what the hell--I can't keep fun hockey news to myself. Besides--I won (see what eBay does? only they can convince you that spending money is winning). OOOOOHHHH I'm a winner. Yep. A big winner. Win win win.

After I bid I spent an agonizing few minutes deciding whether or not I actually wanted to win.

Did I spend too much?

Could we afford it?

Would Justin be excited?

Could we get a sitter?

Was I being stupid?

Y'all, ever since Justin came to live here (and became a huge hockey fan) I have talked about how I wanted to take him to a game, but it had never worked out.

And there it is.

An eBay adventure.

Are you awake? How 'bout now?

This was yesterday's title. I got up all grumpy because someone from the payroll department in Ottawa called me at 4:30 am to discuss my return to work. It seems that they forgot all about the time difference. Sheesh, Upper Canadians. I didn't really get back to sleep so yesterday was fun city. I also got my eyes tested yesterday and they are apparently worse for the wear of having a baby. My optometrist informed me that having a baby (and all the hormones etc) either makes your eyesight better or worse. The catch is it can go either way, and it is permanent. The good news in all of this is that I still need glasses for reading and computer work but I now need to wear them for movies and for driving at night (not a big deal since I don't drive).

Last night I went over to my friend Lori's place and got to spend some quality time with her daughter Sosi. We had a blast, she and I. I think we were both really excited to just hang without the baby around. She got 100% of my attention and I got to concentrate on the pure fun of playing. We watched Raffi (thanks Tiffany and Clara for the Raffi DVD introduction)and sang and danced and played dollies.

Raffi rocks.

You know, before I had a kid I kinda thought he was creepy.

Go figure.

Sleep baby sleep

So, we are having more Mr. Nate-sleeps-through-the-night nights than not. This makes us so very happy I can't even tell you. He's been going to bed at 7pm and getting up at 7am (sometimes even 8am!) most nights. Of course by saying this I've jinxed us, but I'm not going to think about it. He is still up there slumbering away and it's 8:03 am.

In other news, the boil water advisory is still in effect. We are doing just fine y'all, ignore the news, if you are getting it. I heard that Canadian Tire distributed flats and flats of water to people in the Downtown East Side (for those of you who are unfamiliar with this area of Vancouver it is a region that contains the most homeless people and urban poor). This makes me believe in corporate responsibility just a little bit, and I have resolved to buy things there more often.

I've been in a bit of a blah thinking about going back to work. I love my job and work with some amazing people, but there be just so much to do before I go back that I get a bit panicked. I want to return to work with as much set up here for Justin as possible so that it is less overwhelming for both of us. I'm going back on the 15th of December. The crap news is that I still don't fit my pre-pregnant clothes very well and have to buy a few things until I take care of that. Ugh.

There's my baby now!

Gotta run.

Don't drink the water

Seriously, don't drink it. Vancouver has issued a boil water advisory for the last few days. Boiled or not, I wouldn't drink the stuff anyhow cause of the very funky colour it is straight out of the tap. Bleck. People, because of this water advisory, have lost their ever-loving minds. It's like some apoca-frickin-lyptic mob mentality. People are filling shopping carts full of big bottles, little bottles, evian, whatever they can get their hands on. They are screaming at cashiers, lining up forever, and generally acting like there will never be another drop of water available EVER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. We have water and things will be fine (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

In more fun news, Mr. Nate is clapping now all on his own, is starting to do something approaching a wave and is eating finger foods! Cheerios are now my favorite things in the entire world. Wait for it and I shall tell y'all why. After Nate finishes his food, he will happily sit for another 15 mins or more if you deposit a small amount of Cheerios on his highchair tray. His eyes brighten, he reaches out with glee and snatches them up (they never really had a chance). It's almost creepy.

Things are all straightened up now after our little trip. The laundry is done and away, bags back in the storage, fridge filled and so on. The thing is we have such amazing and wonderful friends everywhere (thats y'all) it makes me sad that I can't just fold the damn country so we can be more a part of each other's lives. I feel like this even more now that we have Nate cause he should meet and spend time with all these incredible people.

Blah blah blah. I'm done feeling sorry for myself now.

I've got Tom Petty stuck in my head. That American girl song.

Bet you hate me now.

Home again, home again

We had a lovely trip to Lethbridge to visit grandma Jo and Opa (who are as taken with Nate as Nate is with them), and then a fantastic visit with Mama T and her family. T's two daughters are absolutely beautiful and brilliant and lively and charming and wonderful, no surprise given their parents. We were so happy to touch base and spend time with their family, and Nate adored everyone (I suspect he has a crush on Clara, even though he and Pippa are close in age and Mama T and I are considering a marriage contract). Clara was incredibly patient with Nate, letting him crawl around after her and take her toys and so on. She is such a little momma bear, helping with the little ones and is very patient with them. Nate will henceforth be known as Mr. Nate (Clara patiently explained that he was Mr. Nate because "hims a he"). Pippa seems like such a self-possessed baby. She is happy to be on the floor rolling over and gurgling and giggling and playing on her own with as little or as much attention as you are wanting to give her (very very much attention in my case, my hands just itched to hold her). I will post more pictures when we get them all sorted out, but I just had to post this one.

Makes me want to have more kids y'all.

Dangerous.

Messy baby

He's eating like gangbusters now. Nate hates being in the highchair and really dislikes bibs, but food, especially fruit of any kind, is consumed post haste. The new front teeth are working out pretty well too! Except he bit Justin trying them out (snicker).

We saw our friend Jack off this morning, she is on her way to Australia for a well deserved trip. As much as we will miss her, we know she is going to have a fabulous time.

I posted pictures of the pumpkins we carved at Halloween, as well as the laksa I made on my birthday.

Favorite things

Happy Birthday Momma!

Today is my birthday! This year I pretty much forgot when it was and when November was coming and what day it was at any given point. There have been so many things to do since we got back from Halifax. Justin made me the bestest birthday latte this morning, and I had a wonderful morning cuddle with my lovely Nate who beamed at me when I got him out of the crib (like I was a superstar -- who can beat that?).

We didn't get any kids for Halloween, sadly, but we did carve some fantastic pumpkins (I will post pictures as soon as we download them). Today I'm making Laksa for dinner and I'm totally looking forward to it. I found some fresh laksa leaves at the market and some lovely galangal.

It's hard to believe that this time last year Nate was still inside. I can't imagine life without my family.

I'm a very lucky girl.

Look ma -- more teeth!

Little Nateski has two top teeth (after more than three weeks of crappy pain and some blood and lots of discomfort and children's Advil)! He's almost back to normal after his big trip and teething adventure. All he wants to do is stand up these days and is totally offended and pissy if you put him in his exersaucer. He is even resenting his stroller! I have to admit that I'm totally disarmed by his new toothy grin and am amazed at how much he has changed in the past couple of weeks (but then I always say that).

We have a pumpkin that we intended to carve days ago, but as of yet remains in it's natural state. I feel very unprepared for this Halloween and will consider this one a non starter. I promise to do better in the future with the pumpkin and costume and candy apples and house decorations and stuff. Y'all I'm feeling a little overwhelmed since I got back, and time is a flyin' and I'm uneasy at the small amount of stuff I've managed to accomplish since Nate has joined us in the world. I feel like there is so much I want to do with him and for him and I'm just not measuring up somehow. I know this is stupid, but I feel like that anyway and plan on having a nice long talk with myself in the shower today (that's when I listen best).

Today's hopeful list of stuff to do in no particular order:

put away laundry (neverending task)
shower (mama's hair is getting creepy)
go to capers and get food (I'm looking forward to this cause we have a giftcard and I plan to spend it on expensive organic produce)
make Nate's new supply of food (aforementioned organic produce)
clean up the house (ha! but we can try)
make dinner (tonight's menu features dry lamb curry, south asian singapore style, and sauteed okra with spices and rice)
give out candy (if we are lucky we shall have one or two kids)
do more laundry
sleep

Time to get started on the shower part of the day!

Back!

Hey y'all!

A little more than two weeks has passed and everything is the same but different, if ya know what I mean. Same house, same stuff I left piled around, but from the new perspective of being reminded that it's my stuff, in my house, and that I'm an adult and have things (things to do, things to be, you know -- things). When I go back I tend to be in a weirdly liminal place of woman-child-ness. I'm in my folks house and they have their own routine and their own ways of doing stuff, and I'm in some ways thrown back to being the teen and early twentysomething I was before I left home (not that they treat me like this--it's just all those familiar patterns). I'm cared for in that mom does the laundry and the cooking for the most part and buys the groceries and stuff. It's nice for a bit but in the long term would drive us all crazy I think. Even being a mom doesn't change this dynamic all that much. Thus is the way of families I'm guessing. We had a lovely time and were sad to leave. I'm always a little sad/happy/confused after a trip home to the Haffalax. Sad to leave, happy to be home, confused cause our family can't be in two places at the same time.

Iffin you have never seen an autumn on the East Coast, put it on your list of things to do before you die. We had some lovely days of that bright sunshine and cool crispness that characterizes fall-ness (pumpkins, and apples and wood stoves and halloween and unpacking kids' snowsuits for the winter to come). The public gardens had not closed yet, so we took Nate for a walk to see the ducks and a long stroll on the waterfront (he was loving it). I took no pictures during our trip home, or no pictures I want to admit to. I am no photographer y'all, and I had our old camera which takes like a second between pressing the button and taking the picture so the few I did get were blurry. Justin is the photographer in the family, me not so much. So no pictures.

Nate loved being at the house with its roominess and tonnes of floor space to explore. He motors along now and you have to keep all eyes in a room dedicated to him or else he will find trouble trouble trouble. He has a new word that seems to actually mean something to him in a way that other sounds don't. He will look at you and say quite clearly "dat." If you don't do/say/have a reaction he wants, he then says "dat, dat, dat," and smiles, or grins or bangs something. So I say to him "dat" back, and he is usually quite pleased with that. He also wants to grab the spoon and feed himself, which doesn't really work at all. But gaud luv'em he's tryin (my best written Maritimer accent).

My parents were in heaven and my mom showed Nate how to make funny faces, taught him songs, spoiled him rotten, and needled me because I wouldn't let her give him ice cream yet ("just a little taste off the spoon" she said) as I'm doing an allergy introduction thing with him. My Dad played with him, sang his version of 50s and 60s greatest hits to him, and generally doted on him (he even changed a dirty diaper -- that's love!).

It has taken me the better part of the day to get this post together, so I think I'll click the little button.

It's nice to be home.

Going back to Hali

Nate and I are off to Halifax tomorrow for two weeks. We are currently in packing hell and will be all day I expect. Nate's top two teeth are coming in and causing him quite a bit of pain and discomfort (and we are getting on a plane tomorrow -- eeeeek). I'm excited to be going home though, and I expect Nate will be happy when he gets there having grandparents to fulfill his every whim. My mom has furnished a room for him, complete with cartoon stickers on the walls and his own crib. This begs the question:

Are we going to get our baby back?

Ciao!

Thanks

I really don't want to fall into the trap of being trite. But I never could avoid a trap even when it had a sign posted on it and big flashing lights saying "trap here, please don't fall into it." Kind of like how I can't keep myself from getting the last word in, making the obvious joke, or pushing whatever metaphorical big red button presents itself. Anyway, it is Thanksgiving weekend and this morning I've been thinking about giving my thanks to the powers that be, the universe, or whatever turns your particular crank, for the not suckingness of my life. I'm not particular about Thanksgiving as a holiday, because I think it is way messed up in colonial crapiness. Our ancestors got here and promptly screwed the First Nations (oh sure they invited them to dinner first) and haven't done much to thank them for their help since.

Nonetheless, just calling it Thanksgiving makes you think about -- well -- giving thanks. A few things I give thanks for are:

• friends, 'cause life would really suck without them. I have the world's best friends who have stuck with me through tonnes of weird and wonderful stuff.
• breastpumps, cause the last seven months would have been hell, hell, hell without one. You have no idea how awesome and necessary they are until you start breastfeeding. Either you know or you don't so I'll move on.
• my job, cause I really like it.
• chocolate (totally obvious).

I also feel the need to say how much I love and am thankful for my family. I've got the bestest partner in the world (no you don't, I do!), a fantastic kid who I learn something about and from every single day and a kind and gentle dog. I also have the best parents and siblings ever.

See, trite, but I can't help it.

Trite, but also disgustingly sincere.

'nuff said

Out on the town

Last night we went to Habit for dinner with Nate. There were a couple of small snafus that made me pretty cranky. They apparently don't believe in high chairs. When I asked about it they told me they were afraid kids in high chairs might get stuff spilled on them, especially if they were positioned at the end of booths. I have to say that this didn't fly with me as I saw a couple of places where a high chair would have fit perfectly well out of harm's way (and they do have actual tables as well). This was kind of dissapointing y'all as I was told that this place (even though it is kind of a 'beautiful people' hang out for the main street hipster crowd) was pretty kid friendly. It might be kid friendly but not so baby friendly, and I'm starting to be able to make the distinction. So I ended up spilling a glass of water in my lap while holding on to Nate while Justin tied his hair up (cause Nate loves to pull on Justin's hair). Eventually they came up with a little booster contraption that had been squirrelled away and forgotten somewhere in the back of the restaurant that worked pretty well.

Nate played with his spoon, tupperware lid, ziploc bag (yep, we are bad parents and gave him his very own ziploc bag) and I bet was better behaved than most of the patrons on any given night. The dinger, y'all, is that the food was nothing to write home about in the end. We had a crispy tofu dish with mushrooms and spinach that was pretty good, orange pomegranate chicken wings which were okay, and a free range chicken corn tortilla dish that pretty much sucked (corn tortilla was cold and stale in some places and mushy in others, chicken was stringy and dry). All in all it didn't really live up to all the hype, and we've had much better food in other, sometimes cheaper and better places like The Bin 941 and 942, Vij's, Rangoli, and Toshi (some of these places are very baby friendly and some haven't been tested yet by us). Anyhow, Justin and I have always been foodies (any kind of food at any price as long as its good), and we will probably raise Nate as a little foodie. This makes baby/kid friendliness pretty important. Most places open at five and give us plenty of opportunity to get there before Nate turns into a pumpkin. I mean it's great to go out for a nice dinner just the two of us, but dinner with all of us is far easier to arrange.

In the end, the staff at Habit tried to be accomodating and were very cheerful and nice (one server had two kids and was very understanding), but the food just didn't cut it. For desert we split a lemon and cardamom creme brulee which was good (silky and nice), with pistachio cookies (mealy and dry). Are we condemned to eat at "family" restaurtants now for the rest of our days? I think not.

Mostly I'm in a pretty damn fine mood today cause The Battlestar Galactica season Premiere is tonight and we've been waiting for it for sooooooo long! Wahoo!

It's going to be a fracking good time.

Cripes

I got my hair cut yesterday and I'm not feeling the love y'all. It's a bit short and I'm terrified I look like some kind of demented suburban soccer mom. Justin says not so I will believe him (I'd rather believe him cause y'all, denial is more than a river in Egypt).

Blek

We are all down with a cold here, with Justin as the latest patient. The brightest eyes in the whole place belong to Snoopy who really doesn't get what we are bitching about. Despite being sick, Nate persists in a mostly cheerful manner, snot bubbles and all. He occasionally gets cranky-pants-clingy, but can usually be distracted into a decent mood. Being sick and having a kid is a new experience for me. You can't just go and lay down if you feel like it, can't just give up and sit on the couch and quit 'cause you got someone else to worry about who can't take care of himself. Justin and I have been spelling off each other so we can all have naps.

And today, your eye candy is a picture of Nate eating supper on the deck.

He is pretty darn cute in a touque.

Snuffy snuffy Nate and chocolate cake

Nate has his first cold. His little nose is all runny, he has a bit of a temperature, and he's blowing his first little snot bubbles. He's dealing rather well though and is still pretty cheerful considering. Justin and I are a bit under the weather as well. It seems like the end of the summer cold is making its rounds. I'm not doing that badly y'all, cause I have a piece of vegan chocolate cake with candy hearts on top with my name all over it (it's actually not vegan this time 'cause I put butter in the icing). The anticipation of the cake will keep me going for a while. For now, I think I'll have a cup of tea and join Nate in a nap.

My nephew Evan @ 8 weeks

Pictures of cuteness

My baby tasting his fingers and my baby tasting coffee.

For Kathleen

A picture of me because she has slow slow dial up and so cannot look at flickr close up or get photos via email (I had to say that so that y'all wouldn't think I was just a vain chick posting pics of myself for no reason). I took this a couple of days ago messing around with the camera. I was totally impressed with my eyebrows, which I had just had threaded the week before. It was really nifty and didn't hurt much. Wow the women who do threading are talented. That was too much information I suppose (about the eyebrows), but I'll let it stand.

Baby belly blues.

I've been feeling pretty low on energy the past couple of days and can't quite shake a teeny bit of blah in the back of my brain. I'm wondering if its just the change in season. I usually feel pretty pumped in the fall, but this fall I'm not feeling the love. Also, I'm starting to hate my baby belly a bit. Now y'all, I've always had some belly, even when I was a skinny thing in my teens, but not like this. I saw a picture of my belly yesterday from when we took Nate to the park and yikes! For starters, it begins way up farther than it ever did, and it pokes out. This is not attractive at all. Hrrrrmmph. Partly I think I've not been too bothered by it until now cause my damn boobs were so big from the breastfeeding that it kind of balanced me out a bit and made my belly look more proportional. Now that they are getting smaller, I'm noticing. I'm not sure now whether I really want them as gone as I thought I did.

Anyway, enough about my bad body image crap (I'm stuck with my belly and the best thing I can do is get off my ass and start getting fit--It may not help my belly but I bet it will make me feel better). I just need to suck it up (ha ha) and get on with it.

I'm thinking the reality of going back to work is setting in. I'm starting to feel like time is short and I need to squeeze all the family time out of the next couple of months that I can. This makes me want to do all kinds of stuff with the kid and Justin, which makes me try to plan everything, which makes me a bit stressy, which makes me all cranky, which makes me not want to do stuff. See the evil cycle here?

As a very good friend of mine once said "snap the fuck out of it!"

And I think I already have.

Thanks y'all.

Shiny happy sunny!

It's a lovely day in Vancouver, sunny with a temperature in the high teens and a lovely cool breeze (the kind of day I will dream about in the dreary, grey, rainy, damp, dark days to come). Nate and Snoopy and I went to the park and Nate had a swing. He loves them y'all and smiles and giggles the whole time. Also, he likes to lean his head way back and look at the sky as he swings. He looked so happy I wanted to cry.

The weaning is going well, although big boob is having a bit of a fit and refuses to take the hint that we no longer require it's services. Nate is gobbling up bottles like they are going out of style, and hardly seems to miss the boob (this makes me a bit sad, cause I miss breastfeeding a little).

Did I mention that my kid now weighs 19.5 lbs? He has almost outgrown his car seat (we are currently trying to find a new one). Tomorrow he will be 7 mos old. He still hasn't been on the outside as long as he was on the inside, but we are getting pretty close. He also has the crawling thing down now and is really really fast. We seriously need to do the babyproofing thing asap.

Mmmmmm, I've got chicken and rosemary stew in the crockpot and it is starting to smell pretty darn good. I'm loving my crockpot and am looking forward to a winter of quick and easy meals. We have had nothing but success so far with the crockpot, and even though you still can't make cookies in them, they are pretty good.

Nummy

Most Upsetting

I got kinda hooked (like a little bit pregnant) on Grey's Anatomy this summer because there was frack all to watch on TV. I had got to the point where I thought I had viewed all the episodes and was just waiting for the season premiere tonight (Justin was taping it cause we were having people over) with much anticipation. So it turns out that the damn episode I thought was the season finale last season was actually the second last episode of the season. So I've been waiting for the wrong damn episode and I missed all the juicy stuff that happened in the finale. Cheated by my own stupidity y'all. I can't believe it.

A new thing for the list of what annoys me:

Expired baby products on supermarket shelves. I've found expired formula (both concentrate and powder), expired baby cereal and expired baby food on the shelves of four different grocery/drug stores. The first time I actually got the stuff home before I noticed the date -- now I always look and try to take the products to the counter when I find them. See, if the stuff was for us I'd be a little annoyed but when it is for the child that I worked so hard squashing out and am kind of really liking and all, I get kind of pissed. An I know how this works, they have people who are supposed to check these items when they restock shelves. Like formula and baby food isn't bad enough already as it is. And I'd kind of like my child not horking up his guts unnecessarily.

Makes me happier that way.

Breaking up with boob

We have been in the process of weaning for about a week now (I'm unsure as to whether Nate's weaning me or I'm weaning Nate) and I'm so not entirely sure how I feel about it. I had planned all along to wean Nate before I went back to work (looking like December) and it had seemed like now was the perfect time since Nate was waaay more excited about the bottle and was grazing the boob lightly and only for comfort most of the time. Also, the big boob was getting out of hand y'all. It was starting to feel like the boob that fed Vancouver. It was big, swollen, and cumbersome (not to mention painful when engorged). Little boob, on the other hand, had almost dried up and was something close to it's pre-breastfeeding size. I would look into the mirror in the morning and roll my eyes at the sight before me. Also another nursing bra had failed me.

Anyhow, enough with the justification. It is going really well and we are down to just one morning boob feed. I have the occasional attack of doubt about the formula full time thing, but that's just me I guess, and I'm trying not to over-think it (like I over-think everything).

Also, today is Nate's last round of shots, and I'm getting ready for the potential screaminess and swelling and crankiness. I'm really glad this is the last round y'all cause I'm a total wimp and can't bear to see the kid jabbed with needles (Justin has to hold him and I can't even watch). His crying breaks my little heart and I get to comfort him afterwards.

But I'd rather not have to do it at all.

Blogger drives me crazy sometimes!

I've been trying to post some pictures here this morning and it just don't work. Don't blame me if you are missing the Nate's picture. Blame Blogger, or.....well.....just click on the flickr link and see him there.

It's less than a month until the Nate and I head off to Halifax to dazzle the grandparents with his brilliance. For myself, I'm looking forward to being there but not to travelling alone with Nate. In my head it is potentially way too complicated (even though I know it will be fine and that Nate will most likely be pretty darn good). Halifax in the fall is freaking fantastic (jeans sweater and jacket weather is my favorite weather) and I can't wait to go there and just soak it up, y'all. Plus I miss my mommy (pathertic isn't it?) plus I get to visit my new nephew (who is waaaay bigger than he was just a month ago), plus visit all my cool friends back East (you so know who you are). I however am not looking forward to sub-standard lattes so I'm switching to Timmy's for two weeks, it is much less painful and I like the Horton beverage ( I do not call it coffee).

Things that annoy me lately:

Young and perfectly able bodied people taking up the elevators at the sky-train stations and in malls. Seriously, there is usually an escalator or (gasp) stairs very close by. I watched a couple of teenagers, a young couple etc. get on an evevator AHEAD of a woman in a scooter the other day. What the hell! I mean I get pissy when they get on ahead of strollers because those of us with strollers don't have much of a choice, but the elderly and others with mobility issues have no choice at all! Stupid people. Meanies. Morons.

Oooooh, I got so pissy there that I forgot the other things that annoy me.

Oh yeah, The Canucks annoy me lately. Paying 1.9 mil for buddy. Got nothing better to do with your cash? And that new coach? He's gonna have something to prove to me. I really liked the Crow (and his very ugly ties). I know we've been sucking canal water as a team but this makes me all very nervous. Everyone should know though, that my opinions on hockey are based on lots of very important factors like the cuteness of players, how hard they try, have they ever been up on charges of beating their wives, etc. This is why I ended up last in the hockey pool last season.

Reality TV. But that has always annoyed me, so no big deal really except that the summer is full of it.

Speaking of coffee, I think I'm gonna have one now and stop thinking about all the things that piss me off.

Fluffy bunnies, chocolate bars, Natester, Snoops and my honey!

That's better.

Standing ovation

Yesterday Nate pulled himself up into a standing position all by himself! He's been trying to do this for quite some time but has been injudicious in his choice of things to pull himself up on. Justin got a picture of it, and I will post it here in a bit. He is full of surprises lately, the little dude. For the past two nights he has only woken up once, at about 11:30, cried for about 10 mins and gone back to sleep until 7:00 am! Oh the sleep is sweet y'all, and I'm so proud of the little dude going it on his own.

Despite all this coolness I've been a little lackluster this past week. I've been doing some research work which is really interesting, but kind of labour and time intensive. I like the work but find it a bit stressful. I've also been working at home and find that I'm missing my Nate intensive days. One really cool thing that has come out of it is that I went to the university for the first time since I gave up the academic thing, and so totally don't regret it. Not even a little bit y'all! Sometimes I think I should miss it, cause it used to be such a huge part of my life, and I'm always surprised when I don't really. It doesn't hurt that no normal preson would want to be caught dead hanging out at the university in the first two weeks of school with all the frosh crap and join this fraternity and annoying undergrads wandering around aimlessly. In contrast, I really liked my job before maternity leave and am looking forward to returning to it. So, quite sorry PhD, but I don't think I'll be coming back anytime soon, if at all. Does this make me a failure?

Maybe, but I'm a relaxed and happy failure.

Not too bad, hey?

The boy in black

We've been singing Johnny Cash to Nate lately and he seems to like him along with Elvis, The Village People, The Old Crow Medicine Show, and any other bits of nuttiness we can think up. Johnny seems to be a real winner.

I totally ditched the baby food making this morning in favour of going for a nice walk up Main Street with all my boys. We had lovely organic roti at East is East for lunch. Justin had an Afghan lamb roti, I had an eggplant and sundried tomato one and I have to say -yum yum yum. I also got to go to IKEA and bought a shelf for Nate's room and a couple of other things. IKEA now sells those crazy little meatballs frozen along with packets of the sauce, and I just had to get some. Now I know that these meatballs are hardly gastronomical delights, and all in all are pretty bland and weird (little strange nuggets of something), but damn they're good anyhow! It is kind of spooky really, like there's something else in there making you want to eat them (I swear they also put something in Tim Horton's coffee to make me want to drink it). I also got Nate this cute striped blanket and a couple of other little things.

For Nate's part, he went down like a lamb tonight at bedtime, which I'm taking as a good sign. He's been doing pretty well with the self soothing back to sleep at night, and only has trouble when he's hungry. I think I'm doing pretty well too, mostly with the whole sleep thing.

Or that's what I choose to tell myself anyway.

Mama be a chef

Nate's all stocked up on his veggies for the next little while. I made zucchini, yams, green beans, carrots and parsnips, and chicken and yams. Tomorrow I tackle pears, apples, peaches, chicken and apples, and stewed prunes. The whole thing turned out to be much easier and less time consuming than I thought. Steam/boil/poach, puree and leave to cool, smear the puree into ice cube trays, pop out when frozen and put in storage bags in the freezer. I figure I will have about three weeks of food or more made this weekend, but what is even better is that I feel like I've actually accomplished something. The speedy completion of tasks isn't really something that happens much in my life these days. I'm always starting things and then the baby wakes up, or needs to nap or needs a feed, or the phone rings or whatever. So it is nice to do something all the way through in a couple of hours that will benefit us a bunch. Yay for me!

Okay I'll stop being annoying now.

Now that I think about it, it is kind of pathetic that mashing veggies has made me so happy.

Oh well, I'll take what I can get.

And also, I'll try to be more Tiradey and less Martha-like in posts to come.

Baby food gourmet

Today I will attempt to make my own baby food (I hope). Nate is zooming through his food like gangbusters and I'm getting tired of the limited kinds of baby food in the neighborhood (even the organic jarred food is very limited and I really don't trust jarred babyfood containing meat--it always smells like cat food and I don't even want to know what cuts they are making the food out of). There are lots of things I could introduce that I can't get at the store and I think even babies must get bored eating the same old food over and over again. Today I broke the allergy introduction doctrine and gave him blueberries and apples, I'm just a food rebel y'all. I mean it's not like I'm force feeding him peanuts (the big baby food no no) and have you ever heard of anyone being allergic to blueberries? I'll spin the big wheel on this one and see. Probably I'll start making stuff with chicken and a single veggie mixed, and move on from there.

In other news

I wasn't strong enough last night and after more than an hour of crying I went in and fished Nate's pacifier off the floor and gave it to him. He went immediately to sleep. The goddamn book says this will teach him to cry until I come in. I'm getting really tired of the freakin' book (this translates into 'I am a wuss and can't stand to hear the kid cry in the middle of the night'). He slept until almost six this morning, I fed him and then after a bit of crying he slept until eight this morning. I'm still thinking that is pretty damn good.

Fall TV season is here once again. I haven't seen anything yet that thrills me. I watched House last night and I have to say that they will lose me soon if they don't find some better plot lines. It's getting old guys. The two shows I am eagerly awaiting are the new seasons of 24 (summer reruns got me hooked last year) and Battlestar Galactica (incredible re-make of a childhood favorite). I did get sucked in to Grey's Anatomy this summer courtesy of reruns and Sandra Oh's fabulousness.

I've been dying to bake lately. Baking helps me to relieve stress, feel somewhat productive and feed people (which always makes me feel better). It's just too hot y'all. So I've been looking through cookbooks finding great recipes and waiting and waiting and waiting.

Did I also mention that Nate is growing like a weed? I bought him a winter jacket recently in size 9-12 mos thinking that it would be big enough to see him through the cold season (afterall he is only 6 mos old). Guess what? It fits him now perfectly!!!! So back it goes. I hope the next size up will do.

I figure he's got a great career in crushing Tokyo and fighting Mothra in his future.

GOGIRA!!!!!!

Awwwwwwwww #2

Daddies and their boys. My brother barely holds still for pictures, for this one I think he had no choice.

Cute like nobody's business

Evan is 3 1/2 weeks old! Aint he adorable? My mom still says he looks like me--see the resemblance?

We are getting there

So for the past three days we've been letting Nate 'cry it out' at night. No peeking, no checking every 15 mins, just letting him put himself to sleep. As you may have noticed this has been a teeeny bit difficult for me (like digging my own liver out with a ballpoint pen and then eating it). But it's been working, y'all. He screams, but less and less every night, and he wakes up in the night way less often now. He is also sleeping in his own crib all night, and in the daytime he stays more cheery.

Cripes, it is tough though. The night after I first reported to you, I sat and listened to him cry for 45 mins. I couldn't stand it anymore and went in and checked on him. I just gave him his pacifier and he went back to sleep. Later though, at about four thirty, we let him cry. I felt sick, sweaty and like a horrible person. Next night he cried less but it was still pretty bad. Last night he apparently woke up at midnight. I say apparently because I SLEPT THROUGH IT. Justin said that he didn't cry for long but I slept through. I feel kind of guilty but Justin thinks that this is great progress for me (mostly I lay in the dark asking him if he thinks Nate is okay and nobody sleeps).

I'm glad that it is working out and Nate is obviously not only NOT scarred for life, but actually thriving (napping better and sleeping sounder). It would have sucked to put him through this for nothing. Now that I see the results it makes me feel less like mommy dearest.

The stupid thing is that a big part of me not only doesn't mind him sleeping with us but might even encourage it (I like the cuddles y'all, and might be in danger of raising a mama's boy). I seriously could be my own worst enemy with the kid. Good thing I have Justin and at least a part of my brain that is reasonable and knows that this stuff is better for Nate in the long run.

Keep your fingers crossed for tonight.

Almighty duck give me strength

So everything was going really well until about 2:00 am this morning when Nate, thinking that this was a normal night and he would get to come to bed with us, decided to make himself and his opinions heard. For about two hours off and on, we did the check every little while. He'd go back to sleep and then wake up and then repeat the little cycle. I was sorely tempted to give in but Justin was awesome at encouraging me that we were in fact doing the right thing (and that no, the child wasn't hungry, wasn't dying, wasn't in desperate need of anything at all and wasn't going to be scarred for life because his mother was a cold unfeeling bitch who left him alone to cry in a dark empty room). I am a very weak, very silly woman. And also an idiot. A very good friend pointed out to me recently that this is probably hard for me because I would do virtually anything to keep someone I love from feeling pain. I thank you for this, and it makes me feel better (partly because I'd like to think that I am that person and partly because it gives me a reason for being such an idiot). I know this is not only tough for me, but for every freakin mom I have spoken to so far, and y'all deserve big friggin gold medals pinned to your chests (and chocolates, and diamonds and lots of praise and acknowledgement).

Nate did go back to sleep and I stupidly couldn't get back to bed until about a half hour after he did (listening for every little noise). This morning he was all bubbly and happy like nothing happened and 'hey momma, how are you and why are you hugging me so hard?' when I congratulated him for sleeping in his crib and going back to sleep by himself. From this empirical evidence I deduce that this is harder for me than it is for him.

Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

Midnight insanity (or how Nate got himself to sleep)

Or close enough anyway. Last night at about 11:30 Nate woke up crying. I checked him, rocked him until he fell asleep and put him down. As soon as he got to the crib he woke up screaming. Nothing wrong, just wanted to be held. So y'all I decided.

This is it.

Time for Nate to start going it on his own.

So I walked away.

The boy screamed and screamed and screamed, and then screamed some more just in case I wasn't listening (or had suddenly been struck deaf). I didn't know what to do, I didn't feel like I could just sit and watch TV while he was screaming, so I shut off all the lights and sat in the dark and watched the clock. It felt like my heart and my stomach were trying to tear their way out of my body and take as many other organs as they could with them.

About twenty heart-pounding, gut-wrenching minutes later I went into his room. He was flipped over and crying like his heart was breaking. Y'all I felt like a monster. Like how could I possibly do this to my child. But I've been reading books, and believing some of what people-who-know-better-than-me are saying about this whole sleeping thing. So I sucked it up. I put him on his back, put his pacifier in his mouth, sperad the blanket over him and left.

And you know what?

He stopped crying.

And more than that....

He went to sleep.

I still sat up for another hour or so biting my nails and listening for every little sound. Justin thought I was nuts when he got home from work and found me sitting in the dark looking tragic (drama queen) and mumbling to myself.

Tonight I was feeding him and he fell asleep during cuddle time. I secretly breathed a huge sigh of relief. I wouldn't have to go through it all again (selfish aren't I?). A half an hour later he started to cry. Well, just repeat last night. Only this time it was fifteen minutes and I felt just as crummy.

But it seems to be working. I hope so or I need a waaaaaaay thicker skin.

And some tequila, lots of tequila.

Happy 6 months Nate!

My little dude is half a year old today! To celebrate I'm doing what I always do--writing in my blog and posting pictures. Oh, and drinking chocolate milk. Mmmmmmmmm chocolate milk.

And didja see the picture below of my two boys? I mean how freakin lucky can a girl get having these cuties around, and also the cutest dog in the world.

I've recently discovered that shopping for baby clothes is way more fun than (or just as equally fun as) shopping for myself. I really have to restrain myself cause kids clothes are pretty expensive, and he's gonna grow out of them fast. Having said that, I'm keeping an eagle eye out for sales and stuff and there are just some things I can't resist. When I'm looking at kids clothes is the only time I'm even close to regretting I didn't have a girl. I mean, wow those clothes are cute, and there's like three times as much to choose from in girls clothes as boys. Mostly I've just been looking though, and trying to save my pennies in the new world of expanded family and reduced income. So enough superficial me (I can't help it, I do like my stuff), I promise not to mention shopping or stuff again in this post.

Nate and I are heading off to Halifax in October for a couple of weeks to visit my family before I go back to work. If anyone thought having a kid would make it less likely that I'd come home as often, well, they be wrong apparently. This will make the third time since Nate's birth that we've headed back east. Just me and Nate this time. Justin and Snoops are going to stay home and have some momma and baby free time. I know my folks are looking forward to spending time with Nate, and it will probably be the last time for a while, since it's back to work for momma Tirade in December.

Happy 1/2 birthday Nate! Can't imagine life before you came along!

Awwwwwwwwwww

Mommy is a lush

So I went out last night and got toasted (no I didn't finally succumb to insanity, grab a bottle stuff it in a paper sac and crouch in some dark corner drinking alone). My supercool friend and I (one of my supercool friends, y'all they are all so talented) went shopping and decided to go for drinks afterwards. So off to Monsoon we went and had yummy masala fries with banana ketchup and beer. Lots and lots of beer. Beer that if I had bothered to translate might have warned me what I was in for. The yummy beer in question was called la fin du monde from Quebec. Unless I miss my guess that means 'the end of the world' and let me tell you, the headache I had felt like the damn world was ending. Yummy though, so very yummy that when the subject of splitting another bottle (a big big bottle) came up I thought " 'sonly beer, sure." Had I stopped to check it, I would have found that this beer is like 10 percent alcohol. Y'all, I was having such a good time that it so wouldn't have mattered. I was past tipsy, and I hadn't been past tipsy since before Nate was born. I had an awesome time.

I really like these moments of pre-Nate life where I get to chill, have a drink, go shopping, have a coffee or do whatever. I'm almost giddy when I grab one, and I try to max it out. But you know what? Coming home to my kid is the best, and I wouldn't trade the way life is now for the way it was for anything.

And boy I felt like crap this morning.

First time on a swing

Uber-mommy?

So, I've been wandering around mommy blogs this morning while watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. This article caught my eye. I had to read it y'all. It's basically about how mothers of my generation try to kill themselves trying to be 'perfect mommies' and the anxiety of trying to be so perfect and to raise the perfect child (and sometimes to do this while working full time to boot) is killing women body and soul. So I thought about this a little. I have been scouring books and the internet for the best and most perfect information on feeding my child solids. I have been obsessing. How much should I feed him, what would be the perfect nutritional balance, the perfect foods. What does this book say? And that pediatrician? And sleeping through the night? He should be doing that--I must develop new strategies in order to achieve this. Now, I'm not all as obsessive as this makes me sound (I think), and I'm the first person to tell other women that this perfect mommy crap is...well...crap. But I must admit I have always suffered from over achieverism and the need to get everythig right. I had to be top in academics, at work etc. The stakes are even higher with a kid--cause what if I screw it up? It would be all my fault (and I don't want to fail at mommyhood), and what if I wreck my kid?

Sounds stupid when I say it like that doesn't it? So, even though I'm not crazily dragging Nate to every activity and developmental class in the world, worrying that if he doesn't get into the perfect schools his life will be ruined and trying to squeeze every moment of his day into constructive baby mommy time I think I still got some stuff to work on. Of course while I'm writing this Nate has crawled over to the cord from the laptop and has started chewing on it, bad mommy Tirade. Neglectful. Terrible.

In the end I think about my parents who did a great job with me and my brother. They were in their squeaky new twenties when they had us, had very little in the way of money, and raised two children who are fairly well adjusted and love them to bits. I do remember times when we drove our mom nuts fighting. I know she worried about us like all parents do, but I think she wasn't so concerned about nor was there so much pressure on her to be absolutely everything to her kids and to mold us into perfect human beings mentally, physically and emotionally.

If I can do half as good a job as my mom, I will be proud.

Big boob dilemma

If they can put a goddamn man on the moon, teleport light, clone sheep, and get the caramel in the caramilk bar, why can't they make a nursing bra that not only fits but works like it is supposed to and not break, oh, and makes your tits look good too (since I'm asking for the impossible I might as well ask big). To date I have toasted at least a half a dozen nursing bras (in the only model that fits me well enough that I don't want to scream and rip off). Most were in underwire related incidents that were not pretty and in once case caused bodily harm. The other sad excuses for nursing bras in my posession have weird snaps that booiiing off af awkward moments, itch, or don't sufficiently hang on to big boob properly. Yesterday I gave up and bought a regular bra figuring that I could wear it when I'm out and not nursing, and at home I can switch back to tank tops, which seem to be the breastfeeders best friend. I don't breastfeed much in public, not because it bothers me, but because my bad wrists make it difficult to feed without pillows for support. Anyhow, even shopping for regular bras I could only find one that I liked in my size (I'm all inflated with the milk and there really isn't much choice out there for one of my, um, stature).

So what the hell?!?!? I know I'm not the only one out there who has this problem. We have apparently come far enough that breastfeeding is the norm, but not far enough that we can be properly and comfortably equipped to do it. At least not if we are women who don't fit the curve of being 'normal' sized (in Vancouver this means tiny). I once read a statistic that said only a small percentage of plus sized women breastfeed. No small wonder. It's also a bitch finding clothes when you are pregnant and plus sized (especially ones that don't either infantilize you or make you look like an old lady).

Okay, bitch session ended. I gotta go feed my kid.

All smiles

Anyone want some stuff?

Holy moly! How can one little house hold so much stuff? We are making some progress on the getting rid of crap. It seems though, that for every one damn thing we throw out there are a kagillion things that need to follow it.

In other news, my child has a temper y'all. We are starting to notice a way bitchy side to Nate as he gets more and more independent. He definetly has specific ideas about the things he wants to do and serious attitude for those who come between him and his objectives. It is as we both feared, he may be inheriting his mother's single-mindedness and temper (although it is very hard not to laugh at him sometimes). He is a pretty happy guy though, which I'm sure he gets from his dad! I think he is going through a bit of a developmental spurt yesterday and today. He can't seem to sleep for anything but short stretches of time and is kind of twitchy in a non-stop motion flailing kind of way.

I've started to accept that there will be very few 'normal' sleep days. If he's not teething, he's got something else going on. I figure there's so much going on with the growing little dude that we are lucky we aren't up around the clock.

Once this morning I woke up to him patting my cheek. He was staring at me like I was the most fascinating thing in his entire world, and for one second I really was. I'm thinking parenthood is addictive for this reason--you are it for a while--the kid's whole entire world. If you are a nurturer like me, its like crack. You also get to introduce them to everything and watch them learn!!! It's going to be so cool to see him come into his own, develop opinions and personality, even if it's more like mine than I'm comfortable with.

Though that doesn't bode well for his teen years.

Time to clean house!

For the past couple of days we have just been catching up with nothing in particular but each other and Nate. It is nice not to have to have a particular schedule, an empty house, and no one else to worry about. I've also been making plans. This usually makes Justin afraid, 'cause it means I've got lots of stuff for him to do. Now that his parents have gone I want to completely redo the spare room and put Nate's crib and other stuff in there. This means moving all kinds of furniture and cleaning out all the storage spaces and throwing out all kinds of stuff. We have so much crap in our house y'all, it be insane. So I have declared war on stuff. Not all stuff (I havn't lost my consumerist edge), but all the useless stuff that I don't want or don't need but have been holding on to for I dunno what reason. Our problem is that Justin and I both like to accumulate stuff in various shapes and sizes. Now that we have a baby we have all kinds of extra stuff to find places for, and it won't all fit. So busy busy days ahead.

Nate is, as my mother would say, 'a going concern' (I've never figured out what exactly it means, but you get the general idea). He's crawling better and more often now, so that when you put him on the floor you have to keep your eye on him all the time. He has discovered that wires are yummy, TV remotes are also yummy, and Snoopy moves way faster than him. I can't believe how much difference just a couple of weeks makes in the development of one little baby. He now has two teeth that have broken through his lower gums. They are lovely, adorable, and painful for both of us. He is constantly making with the noisy baby sounds and almost always in motion. Yesterday I went through his clothes and got a whole bag of stuff (medium size garbage bag) that no longer fits him and will make the journey to his younger cousin.

It's like you know that he's going to grow up but there's this one part of your brain that is totally surprised when you see the evidence of it, like you think deep down that he isn't really going to change. I think this must be the same with most parents and their first children. Maybe once you have evidence of it with your first child, you expect it more.

Or I'm just an idiot.

Blog or shower?

You'd think it would be a simple choice, but it is fraught with complication. The child sleeps and I have only a narrow window of time until the world starts up again. In my idiot fashion I have chosen to try both and probably will do neither well. So here is some eye candy while I run off to get clean. My nephew Evan at one week.

In case anyone is wondering, the in-laws left on Friday evening. We are doing the freedom dance but it is tempered with the knowledge that Nate has two fewer people in his immediate life to love and cuddle him (but mostly the taste of freedom is sweet). Shower now. More Later.

Someone's got a fang!

Nate's first tooth has just breached the structural integrity of his gums. Finally proof that all the crap the poor little dude puts up with is worth something. It's a razor sharp little bump in the lower middle of his gums just to the right and when I say sharp I mean eeep! Sharp! He has been busy dragging all our fingers into his mouth and we can feel it. Big boob is NOT happy with the friction and now I have an owee spot. Justin's been calling him vampire boy all day.

Also we had yummy food today at the Budapest Restaurant in our hood. I gotta say y'all the duck is fracking fabulous! Superbly tender and crispy skinned served with fried potatoes, sour cherry sauce, apples and red cabbage. Everyone was really happy with it.

Except for perhaps the duck.

Auntie Tirade!

Please welcome to the world my nephew, Evan Peter Ginn. My mom says he looks like me, which is kind of sweet since my kid didn't look like me, somebody should. He seems like a peaceful enough kid here.

I am an auntie!

Weirder than that, my brother is a father!!!!!!

Give us your toast

Breakfast is getting more challenging every day. It used to be I'd have one little dog stuck to me when I ate, now my audience has doubled. Nate has been eating cereal steadily since we got back from Halifax and it seems to make him happy. Not as happy as he thinks he would be if he had the food that everyone else gets to eat, but happy. Justin had Nate on his lap while we were eating lunch today, and when the fork went by Nate he leaned over with his mouth open. I had been trying to wait until the reccommended 6 months but he had other ideas.

I've recently decided that I'm probably going to return to work in December. I have way mixed feelings about it, cause I'm going to miss him so much and miss all the stuff he does day to day. I'm hoping for a flex day so that every second week I will have a three day weekend and that will give Justin a day off and me an extra baby day (Justin will be doing child care weekdays and work weekends and I the opposite). It has been such an amazing thing that we can both be home with Nate for most of his first year.

Good for our sanity too!

Sitting up!

Mean mean Tirade

I'm a terrible person.

And ungrateful, besides.

Bad girl no more?

I'm not sure if it's just having to be so damn good and nice while Justin's folks are here or if it is the being a mommy thing sinking in, but the past few days I've had the urge to do something....bad girl like. You know, get a few more tattoos or pierce something or drop a few hits of acid or whatever. I think it must be the whiny rebellious teenager buried deep inside reacting to the three months of constant parental supervision. Lately I've been fraying a bit around the edges. Nate was reaching for the TV remote yesterday so I gave it to him figuring he couldn't hurt himself with it. Justin's mother took it away from him, making him cry. So I gave it back. She took it away from him. I gave it back. See where this is heading? Or at least could head? I mean seriously what's the big fucking deal with Nate playing with the remote? Do I need to point out that I am his parent and am capable of making these decisions on my own? I also listened to her tell Nate that "big boys don't cry" yesterday. I immediately replied "sure they do" and counted backward from ten three times to prevent me from saying something that would damage our relationship for the rest of Nate's life. Luckily he's just a little egg and doesn't understand sentences yet and no damage will be done. His folks are always telling me to be careful with everything all the time, watch this or you will spill it, don't write on that, this is hot, that is dangerous. I know this sounds really really petty, but I can break, spoil, or ruin any damn thing I want to IT IS MY STUFF! Three months is a long time y'all. I need my house back.

Grrrrrrrrr.

Quick but important

Nate can crawl forward now (a strange pushing crawl that he can do for short periods)! He can also sit up by himself for a little bit before he falls over. When he started to crawl we all ran forward and gathered around and cheered for him which I think freaked him out a little.

Who can blame him really?

Oh God!

I walked into a lululemon!

In my own defense, it was for my sister-in-law who actually does yoga and stuff and wanted some things taken back to Singapore for her. Still it was weird. For y'all who haven't heard or may care, the guy who started lululemon has publicly said some really racist stuff and has also dissed women of size. Needless to say, it is a wonder I didn't just burst into flames when I walked in.

Yesterday we braved Kits neighborhood, dodging frosted blond lululemon wearing women, parents with thousand plus dollar strollers and so on. We went into a baby store that was selling baby slings for $68.00. These turned out to be wide swatches of fabric sewn together on one end. I shit you not. And I thought to myself "honey, you need to drag out your sewing machine and sell stuff to people with more money than brains." This thing must have cost like five bucks to make.

Anyhow, we also went to TJ's and got a stroller caddy so I have somewhere to put my keys and water and got Nate some linkadoos because he seems to eat the things. Today is take your stroller downtown day. We are headed out for more shopping before Justin's parents head back home next week.

That's right boys and girls, next week.

Getting back to normal ?

We had a fabulous trip home to Halifax and managed to squeeze quite a bit into four days. I love my hometown, there's just something about the 'fax' that makes me feel centred and ready to deal with anything, do anything, or accomplish anything I want to. I never feel more like 'me' than when I'm home. More than 11 years away from Halifax and it is still 'home,' probably always will be.

It seems that Nate is a pretty terrific traveller, he managed to nap fairly well just about anywhere, enjoy the variety of people and places we threw in front of him, and was pretty great with the crowds of people that were always wanting to hang out with him. He was a perfect lamb on the plane on the way there but was a bit cranky on the way back. I think it all just caught up with the little bubba. Nate's Ginn side grandparents were overjoyed to be spending time with him, and his Chin side grandparents loved talking about all the wonderful things they have discovered about him. Mama just enjoyed the ride for the most part and ate a lot of haddock.

One casaulty of the trip to Halifax has been Nate's sleeping patterns--they are screwed beyond belief. He now won't nap for more than 40 mins at a time, and wakes up every 1-3 hours at night. I know the teething has a lot to do with it, but he seems to want to go to bed at his Halifax time, which is four hours earlier than his Vancouver time. This would be fine except he wants to GET UP at his Halifax time as well (not nice for us, pefectly acceptable to him).

This is the third day back and I still have open suitcases on the floor and laundry to be put away. In the good old pre-Nate days I would have been unpacked an hour after I got home and the house would be freshly cleaned the next day, now I'm lucky to have laundry done two days later and maybe it will get put away this week. I'm not sure whether I should mourn my old efficiency or celebrate my new not-so-compulsiveness.

I am sad about leaving Halifax though. It was too short a visit and I didn't get to hang with my Momma enough. Plus the going home always makes me consider and reconsider and then ponder moving back. I look around and think about all the advantages of raising Nate there, like the house with a yard that we could afford without difficulty, good access to french immersion schools, safer than Vancouver parks, grandparents in the same city, and cousins to play with. I think it would be great to have my folks in the same city. I grew up with my grandmother around and I can't immagine living my life without the closeness we shared. I'm just not sure whether Justin and I are ready to let go Vancouver and it's particular kind of urban living yet.

Nate is growing and developing so fast. He has almost prefected this weird half crawling thing, except he does it backwards! His balance is getting much better when you try to sit him up on his own (he is less likely to fall forward on his big old head), and he is adept at intentionally grabbing things and sometimes adept at manipulating them. I am completely in love with this kid, and watching him figure stuff out blows my mind.

There's a meeting tonight of all the owners in our strata. Instead of going and being frustrated and trying to deal with the crazy guy (every complex has one) and and all the myriad agendas of the owners in our lovely complex (24 units in all) I'm going to sit on my ass and eat chips (or bon bons or cupcakes--you get the idea). I normally go and try to do my best to contribute to the discussions but the past couple of years of listing to the carping and having to deal with the crap and the slowness of getting things done etc. has worn me down. So I say go ahead without me and the sugar shall be mine!

Back!

Here's a little look at part of our trip home. Nate's first swim. Justin has posted lots more at Flickr. More later!

Coast to coast

We are off tomorrow to Halifax to visit our folks, more specifically so that Justin's folks can spend time with our folks and they all can talk about how Nate is the smartest, cutest, most incredible baby in the entire universe and how he will no doubt rule the world one day (except for the ruling the world these are pretty much verbatim statements from both sets of grandparents).

I realised last night (while I was in bed worrying about all the things I will forget to bring for Nate) that Nate will have travelled more in his first six months of life than I will have in my entire first seventeen years. Probably by the time he is a year old he will be an international traveller, which I didn't manage to accomplish until I was about twenty five or so. I am way more adventurous than my family about travelling, and probably Nate will be far better travelled than his momma. Justin had been all around Europe before he was twelve I think.

So far Nate has been a dream to travel with and seems to be a pretty happy dude no mattter where he be, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that the teething won't be to terrible for him.

Part of me wishes he was a little older cause there are lots of things I'd like to do with him in Halifax. But really I know that there is no rush and lots of time to come for visiting home (what I still consider to be home despite all these years in Vancouver).

It is a very short four day trip, but I'm really looking forward to it.

Off to pack.

Nate's newest friend

We have named him Jacques. He is the cutest little dude to grace Nate's crib since, well, Nate. Many thanks to Lori, superartist and supermom for making him. We are so touched and tickled to have the twin to Sosi's own deizen of the deep.

Yippee!!!!!!

Yay! It came this morning! See how shiny and pretty it is? The only thing that really matters is that it will keep things cold. It's been a really hard week round this house, with four adults and a baby trying to live out of a tiny cooler. Just to make things more interesting, it has been between 30 and 36 degrees celsius the past few days. A teething baby, a heat wave and no fridge really sucks.

Poor little bubba, he's a trooper. He is doing his best under what are clearly terrible circumstances beyond his control. His napping is shot to hell cause it's too hot for him to sleep long. He's also been getting us up the past few nights many many times between 1am and 5am wanting to be comforted. This teething thing is making him so uncomfortable my heart really goes out to him. The jolly jumper is saving our asses at the moment 'cause it makes him really really happy.

It's damn hot. I know some of y'all live in places that are way hotter than here right now and my sympathies are with you, but I must still bitch and complain about how hot it be.

Phew

Nate got his four month shots (a leeeetle bit late) this afternoon and much to our surprise was pretty damn good about it all, calming down after a pretty brief time, some boob and some Tylenol. Last time his leg swelled up to double the size and turned a purplish red, hence the just-in-case Tylenol.

This time he actually went pretty much straight to sleep after his nap and boob and slept in his stroller through a nice lunch out at Burgoo (thanks little dude, you sure know how to make a momma happy). I had beef bourguignon and a chicken ceasar sandwich and Justin had a jerk chicken pepperpot with a chorizo and chicken sandwich known as El Diablo. Burgoo is close to our GP's office and has the best assortment of comfort food in town.

We are still waiting for word on whether our refrigerator will be sent to us any time soon. Currently, we are living out of a couple of small coolers borrowed from our neighbours. We are also trying to make food before it goes off and we have to throw it out. Because of this, Snoopy had wild Sockeye salmon for midnight snacks last night while Justin and I had an entire bag of chicken and leek pot stickers. We are very lucky that we could shift some things into the deep freeze but we will still have to throw out a bunch of stupid things like mayonnaise, salad dressings, salad greens etc.

That reminds me, time to go and put more cold in the coolers.

Like camping indoors.

Look at my boy!

Whaddaya mean busted?

Our fridge go boom.

It no cold no more.

Very sad.

Off to the store to get a new one.

EEEEEKKKK! How much?

Just get a cheap one then.

(hours later)

OOOHHHHHHH, look at the pretty stainless steel one.

(smoking credit card)

PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY

The laundry fairy is never coming.

I guess I'd better get off my ass and do it already. Kids generate lots of laundry, things are drooled on (sometimes I just ignore this, let it dry and put it back on him), or puked on (tough to ignore) or rice cereal spat on (really gross), and then there is the pooed on (not going to even discuss it). Previously mentioned substances also end up on the clothes of every adult in the house and also the dog (who has no laundry -- thank you Snoopy). Laundry takes up a lot of my time.

On a completely unrelated note: Do you know what makes my ass so very tired? People out there in the world who don't look where they are going. These people are everywhere and are either so completely sure that the world will get out of their way (arrogant bastards), or so unconcerned for their personal safety that they just roam around willy nilly staring at their shoes or the sky or chatting with their sidewalk hogging friends (damn them all). If I were them I'd be really concerned about my personal safety when a very substantial woman is headed my way with a massive stroller and a murderous look in her eye. But they just la-la-la along as if they haven't a freakin care in the world. I am now perfecting the art of barely clipping people's feet with the wheels of the stroller enough to make them stumble a little withoug having to stop at all. When I see them stumble, or at least be forced to notice me trying to get by and give me a dirty look, my heart is siezed by a fierce and evil joy that warms me with a sharp satisfaction for a good part of the day. My other tactic is to just yell "excuse me" and juggernaut my way forward into the fray. There is a cold place in hell for these people along with:

• people who don't offer to give their seats up for pregnant women, the elderly or people with strollers on the bus
• people who stand in front of the doors of the sky train and don't let anyone pass even though the rest of the train is empty
• people who abandon small dependant animals
• people who run red lights
• other generally thoughtless folk who I reserve the right to bitch about later.

Now for the happy! Nate is practicing to crawl! He has this whole inchworm thing going on as his main method of propulsion right now. He can get his front up and his back up, but not at the same time yet (this causes him considerable frustration). For a long time now he's been pulling himself into a sitting and then standing position if you hold his hands for support, but other than the rolling around on the floor, he hasn't shown any lateral movement until the last couple of weeks.

We went to get family photos with Justin's parents yesterday, and we had the hardest time getting him to smile. Usually you just have to look at him to get a grin, but not yesterday. Yesterday he was all serious and stuff. Go figure. Still, I think they will be okay in that cheese-like family photo way.

Now for laundry.

Well hello there!

Gimme that

Negative Nelly

So I was reading my own blog yesterday (I don't reccomend it) and I realised that I have been sounding kind of negative lately. Now I am a negative sort, I'd like to think in a funny, amusing, not world crushing kind of way. But I wanted to post something nice as I sit here on my comfortable couch, latte in hand while my husband feeds Nate his rice cereal (the in-laws are in Whistler over night). This is a nice scene, Justin is singing country music to Nate while the dog looks on. He's hoping for any or all of many things to happen:

a) bits fall on the floor
b) Justin notices him and takes him for a walk
c) kibble falls from the sky

Snoopy must stop occasionally to sniff the wall this morning because I spilled an entire tub of salsa on the floor (boy does that stuff have an incredible splatter radius).

Anyhow, I wanted to say how much I'm loving my family, and especially being a mom. Not to sound too smarmy or fluffy or anything but I'm fast considering Nate the coolest thing I've ever done. Justin is the smartest thing and Nate the coolest.

Nate's favorite song is currently from Star Wars where they go into the cafe to hire Han Solo and the band is playing this catchy little tune. All you have to do to get a smile and a gurgle from him is to mimic this song. We are raising a sci-fi nerd (just like his parents).

Almost every moment with this kid is awesome, even the crappy stuff I'm vowing not sweat.

I wonder how long that vow will last.

I am not losing my mind. I am not losing my mind

Maybe I am.

Last night about 1:30am my son woke up with the most blood curdling shrieking/screaming I have ever heard in my entire life (I swear). Lately he has been waking up sounding like an air raid siren (which I've been getting used to). I have no idea what the hell this sounds like, it defies discription. First, I had just gone to bed about an hour and a half before (stupid STUPID girl) and must have immediately hit a very deep stage of sleep because I was sooo very confused. He didn't want to nurse, he didn't want to be calmed down, he just wanted to scream like we were killing him. Second (there must be a second, cause I said there was a first), I was still dreaming when I woke up and I couldn't figure out where I was (thought I was on an airplane and that Nate was screaming because of something that happened in my dream--also later I dreamed that humanity was wiped out by some kind of bio weapon and there were only like 10 people left in the world). Third, in all this trying to calm Nate down, he squirmed and kicked and I managed to injure my wrist so badly that I ended up almost in tears trying to hold on to him (this was the good wrist, the one not already in a splint). We still have no idea why he started shrieking nor why he stopped.

So I woke up this morning really cranky and grumpy and mad at the world. I was annoyed with everyone (except for Nate, oddly), spent a really huffy hour cleaning the kitchen grumbling all the while (why can't people wipe off counters?), and finally came upstairs and had a good freakin cry (one of those snotty, puffy not movie attractive at all kinds of crying jags).

Then I promptly packed up my partner and son and went shopping (Metrotown is having a sidewalk sale and there are lots of good deals on baby clothes).

Retail therapy is good.

Headline: "Woman saved from psychotic break by Old Navy monkey T-shirt."

A deal, a steal at $5.99.