Off to the Big Smoke

I'm busy doing laundry and prepping for a business trip to Ottawa this week. I've never been there so I'm a bit excited. The really exciting thing is that I'll get to see my sister's family (including a new nephew) and my Auntie and her family while I'm there. Who knew there would be so much waiting for me in the Nation's capital?

I took Nate to get a haircut today. His hair is short (like short short). I felt like it was too much with the summer coming on for him to mess about with lots of hair. He went from baby to boy in 15 mins flat. I will post pics here soon. He also got a lolly from the hairdresser and was very excited. I think it might have been his first.

I got my hair done but no lolly.

Sometimes it sucks to be an adult.

Hot and Not

We have had two days of heat and sun and Vancouver seems to have exploded with flowers and summer, or maybe I just wasn't paying attention. 

One of my aunties is coming to visit us tomorrow from Ottawa and I am totally excited. I was very close to her growing up. Her parents used to make her take me on dates when I was younger, and it seemed like she had limitless patience (in retrospect) for her little chaperone. 

She moved from Halifax a number of years ago and has never met Nate. It makes me almost stupidly happy that she is going to come here to see us. I very rarely have the chance to show my family what my life is like out here in Vancouver. I guess I'm proud of what we have built here.

Mama Tirade

This morning my family let me sleep in to an unimaginable 9am (the luxury)! Nate woke me up yelling 'Happy Mother's Day Mama' at the top of his lungs. It sounds sappy, but it was music to my ears. This was followed by a very proud "I help make pancakes!"

They were lovely. Justin pulled Nate's step stool up to the kitchen island and he poured and stirred and then sat at the table with us while we all ate pancakes with golden corn syrup.

A great morning.

I love being a mom.

What the #@*&^%$ is wrong with me?

Y'all I'm tired.

This week I feel ground down to a chubby nubbin. Not pissed off, not self righteous, not fierce at all. I feel very un-Tirade-ish. It could be the heat in my cubicle at work that I'm sure is about a kazillion degrees when the sun shines in Vancouver (I yearn for but fear nice days). It could be my really crappy food choices (bad, bad ones, don't ask). I feel like all the good has been sucked right out of me. So today when I was staring at a woman who I supervise wondering why she wasn't doing my job instead of me (cause she is that frackin good and I feel tired and old an broken down) I think I hit on it. I need a vacation. An honest to goodness get the fuck out of Dodge vacation. I have been going non stop without more than a few days strung together off since I before I started my new job. I went from working a job with some insane overtime to a job where we created a new unit from scratch. Mighty satisfying but I think I'm pooped.

And what is worse? It means that I'm less present for my kid and mate and dog. That truly sucks. This is a good thing to realise.

Now to do something about it.

How the mighty (and ridiculous) have fallen

So I have a great job. A lot of people think it might be a bit depressing but it works for me. I am a little cog in a wheel that endeavors to help compensate survivors of violence. I love the work that I do and I take pride in it. I recently found out that our department will be absorbed into another department. A department I never would have wanted to work for and wouldn't have applied to work for at all, EVER (or so I thought) for very real ethical reasons. So here I am feeling like I've compromised something. I feel like one of little ghosts that pacman used to eat. I feel dirty.

Lets face it--I am unlikely to leave the work and the people I love (I seriously do love them all). What does that make me? I have stated often and loudly that I would not want to work for this place. Sellout. Turncoat.

Is this what it is like to grow up?