All the news fit to print

I dunno where to start really its been such a long time. I got a new job in September that has been keeping me pretty busy. I'm really loving it but sometimes I have these rashes of severe doubt about whether I'm doing a good job of it. I'm wondering if I'm unsuited to be a public servant. I'm too much 'say what I mean' and 'ask for what I want' and not really all that good at subtlety. Up until now I've considered these very very good personality traits and I think they've got me pretty damn far in life. But the truth is, it doesn't make me all that good at compromising, or suffering fools gladly. Luckily, I have the best and most supportive team in the world and they seem to like me just the way I am. But I'm worried that this will keep me from moving along in my career. I know I'm a pretty good manager but I think sometimes I come off as being too aggressive and not appropriately meek or diplomatic or whatever. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but I think there is a danger of me being interpreted as too pushy, or outspoken or assertive. Possibly this is just me being crap on myself -- I mean I'm relatively new to this sector of the workplace and have a lot to learn. Maybe I expect too much of myself to get everything straight off the bat. I am trying to learn, but don't want to be other than me, just a bit better than me if that makes any sense.

Nuff said.

In other news, Nate continues to be the most amazing and incredible kid I've ever had the pleasure to meet. He is talking in short sentences now and is interested in absolutely everything. He continues to love bubbles, doggies, pumpkins, stars and Diego and continues to hate avocado and having his face washed.

Some new things about Nate:

He loves dried mango and raisins more than cookies. He often stands in front of the pantry asking for cookies, and when you open the door to the pantry to give him one, he then starts chanting either 'raisins' or 'mango' until you dole them out. This is hilarious. He needs to have a sneaky approach to get them?

His best new word by far is "funny". He says things like "momma funny," "Dada funny," and best "Nate's Dada funny."

He gets pissy when you try to take off his yellow rubber boots that he wears absolutely everywhere.

He now says pease [please], dadum [thank you], ecum [welcome]. When he does something wrong he says sodee [sorry].

He has mastered most of the animals in his books and is still obsessed with shoes.

Even when he is driving you nuts, which he does quite often now that he is getting his second molars in and is cranky, you just have to laugh cause he is being a brat in such a single minded, intense fashion that you almost feel sorry for him.

So, here is my little update and I won't promise more like I usually do (I will try though).

Goings on

Nate is staring slack-jawed at Four Squares on TV and eating goldfish snacks. Perfect time for a guilty little blog. Time has been a precious commodity these days. For the last few weeks I've been doing lots and lots of overtime at my job, which meant 15 hour days and some weekend work. On the home front this resulted in a Momma who hardly saw her kid for days at a time, and a Dada who was going out of his mind stuck with a nutty 18 month old for waaay too long at a time. Then at the end of last week I got a call asking me if I would accept a deployment into another position and then to an acting position two pay grades above my own level. Not only is the work exciting, the pay better, the direction appropriate with where I see my career path going, but it is with people I really like working with. What is the problem you ask?

Me. I'm the problem. It's not like I haven't had this before. In both my MA and PhD I was freaked. I figured that at any moment someone would bust into the classroom and haul me out saying there had been some terrible mistake, and of course they hadn't meant to accept me, and how could I be so silly. Now y'all I know I am some degree of good, but I'm so terrified of fucking up that it makes everything a giant-assed deal. I'm working on it, really I am. But every new thing brings on a little attack of this. Hopefully I will be too busy in my new job to pay too much attention to it. I would sacrifice my right tit (hell take both of them)for just a little bit more arrogance right now.

To switch gears, Mr. Nate is flourishing. He has of late discovered temper tantrums that make me want to scream, but as our friend Lori says, it's nice to know that he has a little fight in him. He is mostly a very happy child, but dammit he is headstrong. He's connecting words into little bits like "dadda gone," and "what's that?" He is obsessed with bottles, whether they be pop bottles, shower gel bottles, beer bottles, whatever. He also wants to walk everywhere and gets thoroughly pissed when you put him in his stroller. Problem is, he hasn't quite grasped the concept of cars and road = smushed baby.

It's off to Nape time for nate.

bye

BSG

I just finished watching the season ender and OMG! It's not like I didn't expect some of it, but the way it was done was fabulous, and trippy, and a little gonzo. I've got a migrane and I still had to watch it (those of you who have seen it will know what a special weirdness a migrane will add to the mix).

wow.

Snip snip

Vacation good. Work bad.

Hey y'all!

The last few days at home have been fabulous! We've done the hanging around thing, the shopping thing, the going out here and there thing. This not going to work thing is fun. We haven't really been doing anything out of the ordinary, it's just nice to have the time to do all the normal day to day things that I'm usually not a part of like going for the morning walk, getting a coffee and hanging out, putting him down for a nap etc.

Nate and I did have one adventure on the weekend where we went to Langley to a berry farm with a friend and co-worker of mine and her son. After the berry farm we stopped by to visit her in-laws "farm" (which was really an estate of sorts where they kept horses). Nate was in complete awe of the big horses and fascinated by the foals. He spent lots of time just watching them and then petting their noses. After this we went to Fort Langley, which is a charming little town where we ate fish and chips with the kids, and then made it home in time to watch the fireworks (well except for Nate who needed to sleep badly).

Nate got to go to his auntie's birthday dinner at The Reef, which has very fine food and very very lovely pitchers of Mojitos. He was admired by a large number of the hard working and lovely women of JJ Bean.

Today Nate had his first real haircut (other than the bits I manage to snag off once in a while) and he was very well behaved according to the stylist. I will be sure to post a picture.

Today I bought an ipod for myself. And not a little ipod. A big sucker. I've been wanting one for a while and just decided to go for it. Thing is that I'm feeling so guilty about it I haven't even taken it out of the bag. I don't need it. I'm not a hard core tech junkie, and it's not like anyone really needs an ipod. Nonetheless I want it. For those who don't know it already, I do two things when I'm nervous. I eat. I shop. I've been embroiled in this icky situation at work lately which came to a head on Friday JUST BEFORE I LEFT FOR VACATION. No kidding. Lucky me. So I've been thinking about it and eating and shopping. One chocolate cake in the 'fridge and one ipod in my bag = one Tirade entirely uninterested in going back to work. This would be so much easier if I just kept my head down and didn't worry about stuff like accountability, responsibility, and teamwork. Silly Tirade.

So here I sit bloated from eating cake and staring at a shiny black new toy.

If I take the plastic off, I have to keep it.

I'm so like my mother.

I came home from work today and Justin said, "Guess what? Nate went on the regular swings today." And I was like "WHAT? BY HIMSELF?!" Then I ranged into a rant about how it's not safe for him to do that yet and he's not old enough and if he falls and cracks his head open how Justin'd be sorry to have to haul a screaming bleeding and hurt child into the emergency room and how now Nate will expect to go on the big swings from now on and it's not pretty you know when the bleeding and stuff and x-rays blah blah blah. I still feel like I was right and it is far too soon for Nate to be on the big kid swings for all of those reasons. HOWEVER, I can't help but think of my mom when we visit Halifax, 'be careful of this,' or 'don't let him bump his head,' or 'watch out for that.' I have oh so smart and tough answers about how he isn't made of glass you know and he has to learn some things on his own and how we can't protect him from everything. RIIIIIIGGHHT

So.

I have to get it into my brain that he will eventually get pretty banged up. I mean I had to get stitches more imes before I was 10 than I had dolls to play with. And getting hurt never stopped me. Now Nate has the potential to be at least that determined, destructive and stubborn. Still, part of me wants that to never happen, to never see him in pain, to wrap him up so he doesn't get hurt. I came upstairs to check my email and the picture above was on the computer screen, taking up the whole thing. I was so proud for him and happy for him and sad that I missed it I could have cried my eyes out on the spot.

Fuck this shit is hard.

Did I mention I still think I'm right about the swings?

What shall I be?

Is it weird that I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up? I've been in this weird mood about work the past little while. I'm looking around and sussing things out and asking myself what my future career plans are. Do I want to stick with this government thing? If so, do I want to go into a management stream, try to fit somewhere else or move to a different department alltogether? I have sort of been asking myself these questions as I've been rolling along but they haven't consumed me to this point. Now that I know I don't want to be an academic the PhD has lost a little bit of its usefullness (in terms of finishing it any time soon). I've been so many things in my work life to date; researcher, retail shop clerk, office manager, legal advocate, student, teacher, case manager, facilitator, house cleaner, receptionist, project manager, and even a telemarketer once way way in my past. I've been lucky enough to mostly find interesting work in my life and have enjoyed most of it, but lately I've been wondering what happens when I get bored. It sounds a little weird but when I no longer find things challenging and I stop learning new things I get bored (when I get bored I get cranky). Does this bode well for my future as a person who has like 30 more years in the workforce? I also have the opportunity to take some classes in my current job, but I'd really like them to be as useful as they can be to whatever I want to do next. But I don't know what that is. See where I'm going with this?

Well, I'd better get off to sleep so I can not be late for work tomorrow.

Cheeky so and so...

This is on my desktop currently. It is a great picture 'cause you can see the big boy he will turn into on of these days. It is also a really strange picture because Nate is really way more baby looking than this mostly.

Smells like rain

Go figure, its Vancouver.

Hi there folks. Back from three weeks in the Maritimes. Okay, like I've been back for like three weeks or so now--and I have no excuse for not blogging sooner except thte following:

I've been cranky
I've been working (and not with lovely fun sitting on my ass eating bonbons stuff either, I've been busy at work which has been this past two weeks equal parts good getting work stuff done and being driven up the wall).
I've been being a Mommy when I'm not working (this is way fun mostly).
The rest of the time is basically devoted to sleep.

I have a million Tirades but will save them for a day when Nate isn't likely to start flinging food any minute because he ahs decided supper is over.

Our trip to Halifax was great but not at all like we expected. My chill child turned into a screaming, fitski of a Nateski. He decided that he wanted momma, momma, momma, all the time. Couldn't leave the house without him, wouldn't go to bed unless momma did it, wouldna let me out of his sight. Frack. This meant that Justin and I didn't even get a single date since Nate would wake up several times a night and wouldn't go back down for anyone else. Even if I hated my parents I couldn't subject them to the Nate in full fledged tantrum. My worst enemy maybe but not the woman whose loins I emerged from (or rather--whose abdomen I was cut out of). So it was a bit of a relief to get him back to his sleeping all night no fuss at bedtime routine (happened almost instantly).

Eek! Supper is over. More to come soon, possibly including the following topics:

Nate's New Words: a lexicon and guide.
I spy daycare on the Horizon
Tirade and why she needs to strangle a person a day for at least the next couple of weeks.
Why I want another puppy
Living like Kings in Halifax
Frackin Government
Frackin Summer TV
Fracking
Facebook: friend or Foe?
Why do I have so much stuff

Kay, later.

Weekend fun!

Our friends Tiff and Ben and their daughters Pippa and Clara came to visit us on Friday and Saturday and we had the best time! Nathanial is in love love love with Clara and Clara seemed to like him as well (although not in the goddess like way Nate worshipped her). Pippa found true love with Snoopy, who loved her right back. Pippa is the one kid that doesn't mind when Snoopy licks her face. It even seemed to make her giggle. Snoopy, in a stunning display of affection and reciprocity, let Pippa crawl after him, touch his nose, pat him, and generally be all over him. Snoopy likes all the childrens, but I think Pippa has a special place in his heart. We took some pictures and hope to have them up soon. For me it was lovely having Tiff and Ben come for the weekend. First, it's awesome to have other parents around since most of our friends don't have kids, but mostly it's cause they are so great to be around (I know you will read this Tiff and I'm not just trying to score points!), and we have history y'all. We've known each other for so long but hardly see them and they us, and I can't help thinking that I want them around all the time so our kids can grow up together, and we could garden together and stuff (okay now I'm getting all smushy). We love you guys!

Today we had a lovely coffee date with Lori and Paul and Sosi, and Sosi had the best new haircut! That little girl is just too cool for school. JJ Bean was just hopping so we sat outside and didn't even get rained on. Lori and I went shopping up Main Street, drinking Chai and enjoying the time as only escaped mummies can. As mummies, we also had to make obligatory purchases for our offspring (he needs shorts and she would look adorable in this dress) but also managed to score some very very cool shoes for our fine selves. I had a fantastic time and am just a bit sad that I'll have to wait for fall to wear my warm Camper boots (50% off y'all-how to resist?).

It's back to work tomorrow and probably more overtime this week, but I'll have the lovely warm glow of the weekend to keep me company.

I'm annoyed

There are too many multigenerational quirky womeny movies starring Jane Fonda and whattsername...Diane Keaton, that's it (or of the JF, DK ilk). I was going to say that this is an unfortunate trend, but it isn't...it's a whole thing isn't it? Like all women are smushy and we will automatically be absolutely charmed by this sort of thing. Blek.

And tonight's Grey's Anatomy is just an excuse to sell this new spin off show, which I am already not so much sold on.

And Anaheim just knocked Vancouver out of the Stanley Cup.

I gotta tell you that today has been a mixed bag of weirdness ending with Tequila, yes folks today merited a Tequila or three.

Mostly cause I am annoyed.

I need to update

I'm not dead.

I will post soon.

Field trip

Today we took Nateski to the Vancouver Aquarium and we all had a blast! Nate's favorites by far were the jellyfish, and the small children's area called Clownfish Cove. We sat out in the rain and watched the beluga whales and ate grilled cheese sandwiches and a good time was had by all. The top picture is Nate and his new best friend, a squeaky rubber beluga whale.

My sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet

boys.

They are the best. I adore them. They make me all smushy and soft-like. One is furry, one drools and the other smells like coffee!

As you can probably tell, no one is sick this week and everyone is happy and it was a sunny day today and some of yesterday and I have tomorrow off and no one is sick. Plus I've booked our trip home to the 'fax for three glorious weeks in June and am looking forward to Halifax in the summer (well, almost summer really) like nobody's business.

And the 'Nucks won against Dallas tonight in a nail-biting overtime period.

I have to go to sleep now while all is still good.

butterflies, kitties, fluffy clouds

I wish I could be all cheerful, cause it seems like I've been complaining a lot lately (and I know I have), but right now y'all, I feel the crap. I've had two super-long weekends in a row. This sounds like fun, yes? No. Last weekend I got the stomach flu that was going around the office and spent about 24 hours in absolute hell, and the next week in purgatory. In the middle of my stay in purgatory Justin goes down hard and fast. As a consequence of this I am exhausted y'all. I know I've said it before, and my experience is only a pale wisp of a ghost of an outline of a shadow of what single mother's face, but single mothers are awesome and I seriously don't know how they do it. With Justin down, I was basically on my own with Nate and Snoop for about four days (well, I tried to help out Justin with the sick as well). I can not convey to you how much this sucked. I shall not go into detail. My experience leaves me with a greater appreciation of women who go it alone and a terrible cold sore that I'll be sporting for a week or two. So no sunshine and rainbows for me today.

In happier news, Nate got a new Easter hat (a tradition started by my mother a long time ago) and a pail, shovel and other assorted sand toys for taking to the park or beach. My mom bought him a raincoat and splash pants, lots of Easter candy (yummy says momma), a book, and some brand spanking new yellow rubber boots. Nate is fascinated by the boots and goes for them every chance he gets. Nate knows nothing about the bunny yet, so I figured we'd save the egg hunt for another year or so.

In another great Easter tradition, I am looking forward to stopping by my local grocery store for sale Easter candy tomorrow.

I covet little candy bunny eyes.

What the?

Has anybody else noticed the marketing of adult cereals with "chocolatey" bits in them recently? Okay, first "chocolately" does not mean there is chocolate, so stop trying to convince us that this is chocolate we are eating 'cause it is not. Second, don't tell me how low in calories it is. If I want chocolate, I don't give a frack about how many calories is in the damn thing, I WANT CHOCOLATE. Third, if I want chocolate (which I think we have already established, your honour, that I do), what is going to make me think that I really want cereal instead? "I want a chocolate bar, hmmmmm-no I think I'll just have some cereal instead." Who has this conversation with themselves (or anyone else for that matter)? Jesus-H-Christ on a piece of toast, just get a frigging bag of M&Ms and get on with it already.

Anyhow, a big treat my my beloved for you all. He has gotten around to getting our video camera tape on the digital thingamie bob. This means (what, you didn't understand from my completely technical explanation?) that all of the video we have been taking of Nate will make it's way onto the computer!!!!! Prepare to be bored y'all. The first instalment is a lovely little bit of Nate and Snoopy having some fun.

S'all for now.

Kiss me

I'm Irish, well sorta. Ancestrally you know? Just kiss me anyhow dammit!

The world is chok a block with babies the past little bit. Two of my friends have recently had little girls, one in Australia and one just down the street. They are totally adorable! They make me think of when Nate was just a little 'un. I really miss it. He was so tiny. Not that I'd trade him or anything 'cause he's lots of fun. If you ask him now what a cow says, he consistently says something between "boo" and "moo." I think he's got sheep down as well, but we won't commit to that one yet. Oh, and he likes to wear food on his head. Noodles mostly, and the occasional bit of roast beef.

Just a little peek into the life. I'm going to get my hands on some chocolate.

You ever just want to...

Jam your face into a pillow and scream until you just can't anymore?

Sit down and have a good cry for no really good reason at all?

Glower at everyone who even looks like they might not subscribe to your world view?

Visit horrible acts of violence on people who wouldn't make room for you on the skytrain this morning, or talk too loud about ridiculous things on their cellphones or just LITTER?

Laugh hysterically cause there isn't anything better you can think of to do except jam something in your eye?

Take all of those things and combine them with a bone-deep weariness that makes you feel defeated in all things and that's been my last week or so on the hormone express. It doesn't matter what you say Ms. or Mr. Reader, or even what you think cause that's how it is. Actually, that's how it is light. It is actually much worse in reality. Maybe, just maybe hormones didn't cause all those things to happen, but you tell the seething cauldron of hatred, despair, moroseness, and rage that is barely contained within the limits of me that they had nothing-to -do-with-it-all-thank-you-very-much.

I swear sometimes there is just the finest thinnest skin protecting the world from the inside of me.

Drama Queen.

Hey there!

Poor little Nate got his first year shots yesterday. Since then he's had a fever, which is normal. What isn't normal is that his nose is running, he's coughing (and crying every time he coughs cause his throat hurts) and he is very very unhappy. Is it possible that we are unlucky enough to have Nate get his shots just as he was coming down with a cold? Sure it is! He was miserable and clingy for most of the day. It's kind of terrible but I kind of liked the clingy-ness. He'd just snuggle down on me and watch Sesame Street, and except for the sick part I was in Mama heaven.

I forgot to post these video links for y'all of the not-sick Nate. One of Nate getting his first red packet at Chinese New Year, and the other of Nate in his fire engine hat, which except for this moment caught on film, he hates and won't wear.

You know what is stupid?

Free health care that isn't free. I mean I come from a province where when they say you don't pay for health care--you don't. I move to BC and BAM! All of a sudden I have premiums. Premiums that are apparently extra confusing.

(If you aren't in the mood for a tirade then skip until the end)

So confusing that a professional woman trained in the administration of benefits cannot seem to understand how they work. I spent the whole day at work today emailing the benefits administrator trying to get my health care premium payments straightened out so that BC Medical Services wouldn't put me into collection. Apparently they hadn't received a dime from my work (even though my half of the premiums were being deducted from my pay cheque) for the entire time I've been back to work. All because the benefit chick (yes she is a CHICK) doesn't know how to do her job. First she tells me that I have to fill out forms and call people and that it is my fault cause I didn't tell the MSP folk that I had returned to work. When I call them they tell me they can't do it on my say so and the benefits administrator has to do that. When I tell her this she emails me the wrong form and then tells me I have to go on line to get yet another form which I am responsible for filling out and returning to MSP. This turns out also to be untrue. At this point I am wondering exactly what this woman does all day long, as she knows fracking nothing about benefits!!!! If I, a completely untrained in the way of benefits girl can figure these things out, then why can she not? Grrrrrrr. I mean it's not like they pay me to actually do a job while I'm at work is it? If she had just bothered to check her information before sending off snarky emails, I would be ab-so-fracking-lutely grateful. Suprised but grateful.

Ahhhhhhh. That's better.

Happy Birthday Mr. Nate!

Nate's officially one year and one day old. So strange looking back at how tiny he was (and blobby and grub-like in that baby way), and now he's walking and jibber jabbering (ah, working in a Mr. T reference any way I can) away and giving us a serious run for our money. You can see a video of Nate on his birthday here. He's an absolute freak for balloons!

More soon. In the meantime watch the video and revel in the cuteness that is Nate.

My day off

and it is raining biblical-like outside. I had all these ambitious plans of going places and buying things today, but we just ended up staying inside. Not a bad day, just a very lazy one. Nate has been getting up late the past few days and having a late nap. This means that he doesn't have a second nap and gets pretty weird by the time five pm rolls around. He's not cranky so much as freaky. Laughing and crying at the same time and falling down a bit. Last night I tried hard and kept him up until 6:30 before he went down for the night and he still slept in until 7:30 or so this morning. I can't believe I've had about four days off in a row this week (long weekend plus a sick day that wasn't any fun) and I still don't quite feel rested. It is my brilliant conclusion that this is life as a parent. What I did do was catch up on at least two issues of Today's Parent magazine, which is now my new porn. I hafta say I'm loving reading the magazine. Mostly it has great articles on all the day to day stuff that you worry or wonder about (I only read it for the articles, honest). Some stuff is just general-like knowledge that I think will come in handy when Nate gets older.

It is about at this point (as I start contemplating how I'm going to cope with the terrible two tantrums, or what school we are going to put Nate in) when I ask myself if I miss the long-gone days of black eye liner and black combat boots, or the less long-gone days of the all night bursts of academic brilliance followed by weekends of partying, or the more recently gone days of splurging on expensive dinners and spur of the moment outings. Truth? Occasionally I miss the imagined freedom I had (we could just take off without having to worry about anything) before Nate came along (really though we had to factor in Snoopy before Nate). I also miss the lack of responsibility I had in previous incarnations of me (the student who only had to be responsible for feeding herself and her iguana). The truth is that I totally love the Mom thing.

I think I can live with being boring.

Damn Blogger 2

Does anyone know why the text gets all smushy when I post a picture and put text under it? They say this version is better, but really I think not. Also, my pictures don't turn out uniform in size.

This picks at me.

Happy New Year!

It is the year of the boar (or piggy, as I like to call it) so make sure your rice bins are full, avoid sweeping (you'll sweep out all the good luck!), and as with any other holiday, eat lovely food. We didn't get our act together this year for the New Year's dinner as we have in previous years, but there is hope for next year! Nate will get his first red packets tomorrow (I'm sure that it will take a few years to sink in that he gets money and this is a good thing to have). Tomorrow would be a day for visiting relatives with oranges and giving/accepting red packets for the children. Sadly, we don't have any family in town. This causes me some concern. I'm worried that Nate won't appreciate the Chinese part of his heritage, since we don't have Justin's folks close and we don't know any Chinese families here. I mean, I'd like to try, but it's hard for me to instruct Nate in a heritage that isn't mine and that his dad doesn't get particularly excited about. Maybe I worry too much. It's just that Nate has access to two very rich cultural backgrounds and I want to do right by him.

Of course, he won't know nuthin about nuthin just yet, so I guess I've got time to figure it all out.

I got cupcakes!!!!

My honey made me the yummiest cupcakes for Valentines Day!!! I'm a lucky girl. I got him boston cream doughnuts which I felt, in the face of the hand made cupcakes, seemed kind of lame, but he says he's a happy camper with his custard-filled pastry. So happy Valentines Day y'all, (corporate created day to sell stuff we don't really need and get way too hung up over)whether the day means anything to you or not, you should take time to be nice to yourself (so cheesy - love yourself - but it is true ya know).

Boo hiss Olympics

Continuing the hate-a-thon that is my blog with a nasty word or twelve on the coming Olympic games.

Today the news was chock a block with footage about the countdown to the Olympics, and stories about who should carry the frackin torch. I loathe the idea that the Olympics will be busting it's way into my home for many reasons. Both the provincial and municipal governments are spending tonnes and tonnes of cash on the stupid Olympics instead of on daycare spaces, housing for low income families, public transit that goes somewhere useful (instead of near the airport--'cause going straight to the airport would be too easy), community centres and generally providing children with education, food, and a place to live. The mayor is hawking an untried drug strategy instead of continuing programs that are working for people. Rents are soaring beyond belief so that people can't afford to live in the city.

It just plain hitches my wagon.

It is going to be crowded. I hate crowded. Crowded makes me pissy pissy pissy.

Also, everyone talks about how good this will be for the city, but I can't really see how. I mean, if you had property to sell in the city that wasn't your primary residence, or maybe sold Canadian flags, or maybe are a major hotel chain (or were the political leaders of a province or city and wanted to make it into the IOC someday). The supposed economic boost to the city isn't going to benefit the people who could use a few more bucks in rent subsidy, added day care spaces, a hot meal, etc.

It burns my ass that Gordon Campbell is getting so much play for this; the man who cut millions from legal aid, cut funding for women's centres, closed beds in health care facilities and instituted the infamous training wage allowing employers to pay paltry wages to 'new' employees.

Did I also mention I hate crowds? I'm thinking maybe we will take some time off and head for higher ground.

I only really like the hockey anyway.

I hate French

Not the French, just french. I worked a really good rant up the other day and got it half blogged and blogger kablooyed and then I got twice as angry but in a deflated why-do-I-bother way and gave up. The anger has not dissipated so I'm going to blog and maybe it will go away.

So I signed up for French class at work thinking that it would be a good thing to learn and thinking I would expand my horizons and learn and grow and all that. Also, I like french and it would be good for my career and work was paying for it, so I figured why not?

First, I am convinced that the guy who assessed me was on some king of reality altering drug, cause the answers I gave I am positive didn't add up to the level of French I was placed in. Sure I know some french, but the level seemed a little iffy to me. Plus the assessor kept asking me odd questions like "Can you describe to me, in French, how to get to the boardroom?" I said "no, but I can't tell you in English how to get to the boardroom, either-I suck at directions." Okay. I suppose that wasn't the best way to answer. But it was the truth.

So I go to French class with a co-worker and I find out that everyone else has been in the class since October. October folks! Asti! How am I supposed to catch up to that? THEN they go through the last test they wrote, and I am quickly finding out that I am in the wrong level. It would seem deceptively easy and then WHAM, Tirade is beaten over the head with the french grammar. Stuff I've never even heard of.

Oh, did I tell you the part where they didn't have any course materials for me? The instructor basically said "oops, guess I'll have to order some more." (in french, I got that part) No mention on how long that would take, or really what I was supposed to do in the mean time.

THEN, because it took so long to go over the test, we didn't get any of the modules completed before the end of class, so she said "well, guess you'll have to do the next six at home and see you next week." No lessons, no nuthin. Apparently the instructor is just there for show, the book does all the work.

Did I mention that throughout the class the instructor would basically make fun of the students? She's say things like "you really should know this by now," and "that's easy, why can't you do that?" (of course she never said that to me cause I imagined I looked sufficiently pissed by that time). Nothing like a positive learning environment ladies and gentleman. By half way through the class I was thinking about how to fake some kind of emergency or start a fist fight with my co-worker to get thrown out of the building. After the lesson she and I had a major debrief and decided we weren't going to return. I talked to someone in another of her classes and she actually said that she found the instructor 'scary.'

So now I'm kind of scared of french, and I hate being afraid of things, so it makes me pissy. I am not sure whether I'll try again at any level. I know that I'll definitely not attend with that instructor. I'd rather take a staple gun to my own tender goodies than put myself back there.

So much for my fun learning experience. Next time I'll take up something more fun, like accounting.

I wonder if I'll feel less angry now?

Walk baby walk

Hi there! How goes it?

Long time no see. It's a beautiful day outside, but Nate has a very hoarse voice and may be fighting a cold-so I think we will stay inside. He's still pretty chipper though. And he ate 1 1/2 fish sticks, broccili, a cracker and two cubes of blueberries for lunch. Is it starve a cold and feed a fever? Or the other way around? Who knows.

Further on the topic of Nate, he's walking lots now. All over the place. Walking walking walking. I described his walking like a cross between a drunk and a zombie. Still, he's walking. You can watch a video of him walking here. He's pretty damn pleased with himself, and is right this very minute walking around with a beanie puppy in one hand and tupperware in the other grinning his butt off.

I got a new haircut. I really like it. It is a very sharply inverted bob dyed red with white-blond highlights. I'm liking it a bunch and feel very good about it. Nothing like new hair to cheer you up. Work is going well. Really busy though. The workload is pretty crazy, but I enjoy it still.

Bad

First bad work day since I've been back. Everything I did today went sideways into the crap. The crap folks. THE CRAP. It started out with me waking up late and rushing to work with a headache, bad slept on hair and that puffy, sleepy face you get when you don't wake up properly. It didn't get any better.

bitchy bitchy bitch bitchity bitch

Now it's over.

I pray that tomorrow is not tainted by it's proximity to today.

date night

Justin was calling this my 'come hither' look. I'm hoping it's really not. If it is, I've lost my touch. But I like the photo.

mmmmmm....sushi

20

11) My first real crush was a guy named Jimmy Drake. We hung out for a while but he really liked quiet girls. The kicker is that I was trying so hard for him to like me (cool etc) that I totally missed this. I was 13 or so at the time.

12) I used to steal gum from the local corner store.

13) I was pretty sure I was going to hell for it, but it didn't stop me.

14) I honestly thought about becoming a nun once.

15) My feelings hurt easily.

16) I love comic books and sci-fi novels. I'm pretty much a nerd. This wasn't cool in any way shape or form when I was young.

17) I love AC/DC.

18) I hate jogging pants.

19) I have a very poor intuitive sense of direction but,

20) I'm good at reading maps.

The perfect day

Yesterday was a wonderful day. It was sunny and lovely and Snoopy, Nate, Justin and me spent it together. It was a perfect mix of getting stuff done and spending time together. Justin, lovely man that he is, let me sleep in, made me coffee and vacuumed. How wonderful is that? We had a late lunch at Sushi Yama and Nate ate his first piece of sushi (a yam roll with shredded daikon and shitake mushroom). I gave it to him thinking he would play with it and instead he ate the whole thing, seaweed and all! And then he ate another half piece! My boy loves the sushi. We came home and all had naps and then Justin and I went out for an honest to goodness date! We went to Kalamata and had lovely lamb dinners and talked about stuff. Just stuff. But just being able to sit and chat alone and away from the house was pure loveliness. Lots of it was about Nate, but really that's to be expected. The restaurant we went to was the last dinner I ever had as a non-mommy. I went into labour about five hours after we ate there with friends. Eleven months later the whole world has changed. For the better.

I had a wonderful day.

And a great post to be my 100th.

His "Ginn face"

10

In the spirit of MamaT's list posted on her site a while ago, I'm wanting to share a hundred things about myself. But I think it might strain my brain so I'm going to do it ten at a time.

1) I was originally supposed to have been named Laurie, but my grandfather wouldn't hear of it, so Patty was my mom's second choice.

2) When I was little my brother and I made up a story about a spider who lived in the wall named Fang. We would send tribute to him every once in a while to make sure he didn't come out (we were and are both scared of spiders).

3) I like pineapple and pizza, but not pineapple on my pizza.

4) I've never read War and Peace

5) I love fall, its my absolute favorite time of year.

6) I am allergic to peaches.

7) I was born in the year of the dog.

8) I am a Scorpio.

9) I failed grade 12 math.

10) I have been and still am a teeny bit afraid of skeletons.

Nate the great

has taken his first steps.

Actually, he took a couple a while ago but I wanted to make sure that they weren't total flukes before bragging about it. Now he is up to as many as four before he falls on his ass. Personally I believe that he could take more steps if he actually believed he could walk. We think it rocks, but Nate is convinced, I think, that crawling is still the fastest mode of conveying himself from one place to another.

Every night, after Justin gives him a bath, I give Nate a bottle and sing to him before he goes to sleep. I have discovered that I know very few children's songs...or lullabies...or songs I know all the words to. So sometimes I just make them up. Or sometimes they are very innapropriate. Or sometimes while I'm trying to think of something, songs will just pop into my head. Since he was born Justin and I have sung the wagon wheel song from the Old Crow Medicine Show, and Barrett's Privateers, that old Stan Rogers favorite. More recently the list has included:

The hockey night in Canada theme

Rio (Duran Duran)

Hotel California (The Eagles)

General Taylor (folk tune made popular by Great Big Sea)

I Wanna be Sedated (Ramones)

anything I can remember by Sinead O'Connor (how's that for setting the bar high)

Farewell to Nova Scotia

numerous songs by The Cure

He seems to like just about anything if you sing it while rocking him, and it keeps me from getting bored. I do realise though that I will have to try to learn better songs for the future. I have made a start with Raffi, but those songs I only seem to remember when I'm in the middle of a meeting at work, or singing to myself in my cubicle.

Nice one, Tirade.

Weekend Happy Dance!!!

So Justin had a dream last night that we had two Nathanials. I think he viewed it more as a nightmare, and I can see what he means. Nate has boundless amounts of energy. It is a cheerful and fun energy, but the kid is like the frickin energizer bunny (sans drum), and his poor tired old parents find it hard to keep up with him. He's been climbing the stairs a lot lately, and has figured out how to climb other objects as well. We are absolutely proud and totally dismayed by this at the same time. I'm also going to yank on my proud mommy hat and tell you another thing that my child has started doing lately. He puts himself to sleep!!!!! Yes indeedy, they told us this day would come but I didn't believe it! At bedtime we give him a bottle and cuddle him when he finishes it for a little bit. Then we put him into his crib and cover him up. Nate usually grabs his sucky, puts his head down and closes his eyes!!!!!!! That's it y'all! he just goes to sleep. It may not last, but who the hell cares. It is fracking fabulous for as long as it lasts.

I read a whole book last night after I put Nate to bed. This is a luxury that I have not had for a very long time (or so it seems). I remember the good old days of reading far into the night. It wasn't a particularly literary book, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. I left the house in a shambles, totally ignored the phone, laundry etc and just read. It was heaven.

Unfortunately all that stuff still needs to be done.

Still alive

Goddamnit! I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted anything. I apologise to all of the three of y'all or so who look me up from time to time. I'm settling in nicely to the life of working in an office again. Cubicle living is okay. EXCEPT. It is too frickin hot, all the time hot. Hot hot hot. Like the-sweat-on-my-ass-has-sweat-on-it's-ass hot. See, you can't please all o' the folks all o' the time, and some people are actually cold in the hot box of heatedness that is my daily environment. The temperature in the office is of continuous discussion by those who dwell in the cubes. But y'all that sucker is hot.

The other thing is that I am surrounded by the loveliest women at work, both in disposition and countenance. I feel so frumpy and all crazy mommy-like and I'm flanked by twenty somethings who have all the latest boots and fashiony gear and have gorgeous hair and actually have and take the time to wear make-up to work. ARRRRGHHH! They are such great people that I can't possibly hold it against them.

And ain't that a pisser?

This work thing

really cuts into my blogging. I'm a tired little federal employee at the end of the day. I'm liking it, though. The best thing is the people. I'm pretty much a people oriented person (a pop if you will). I like chatting and being around folks in general.

Nate is snotty snotty snotty. Where does all the stuff come from? There is a constant stream of mucus dripping out of his tiny button nose. He is standing up all by himself, bouncing up and down, and balancing pretty well. I'm afraid this will very soon morph into walking.

More tomorrow, tired girl has scrambled brains

Happy first day!

I don't really have any resolutions cause I resolved long ago to not have any resolutions. We've had a good year this past year and just want things to keep going on. I have a tid bit of advice for just about everyone I know and here it is: STOP being so frackin' hard on yourselves. I know many many people who are waaaaay tougher on themselves than anyone else could ever be (and yes, it takes one to know one). So. I say cut yourself some slack, sit on your couch and eat chips or bon bons or celebrate any way you like, but celebrate all the good stuff about you, cause god-help-my-poor-tired-ass you deserve it.

Oh yeah, and send kisses.